Girlfriend jokes

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!

That's the best I've done so far.

What’s red, nine inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry every time she sees it?

Her abortion.

I'm 34 and I went on a date with my 19 year old girlfriend. I got heckled with "you're a paedophile!" and "you sick F...!" Completely ruined our 10th anniversary!

What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.

What's 6ft long, red, and my girlfriend cries when I feed it to her?

A miscarriage.

Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.

My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish.

I'm feeling cannelloni right now.

What's Asian but has broken up with its girlfriend?

A dumpling.

I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.

your mom

My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.

What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Stop and apply lubrication.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.

I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.

My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.

My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are... But I laugh more.

My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.

My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.