Girlfriend jokes

Wyatt is a guy who still doesn't have a girlfriend because he didn't sit with Yanely and Jasmine at lunch. Funny joke, huh?

My girlfriend said she wanted to be pampered. I told her I wasn't into diaper fetishes.

I've been looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer for the past two years.

But no one would do it.

My girlfriend called me a pedophile, but what does she know? She's 7.

My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I asked her why. She said, "Because you're a pedophile." I replied, "Pedophile! That's a big word for an eight year old."

When Stephen Hawking was asked why he was instantly attracted to his new girlfriend, he said, "It's simple, she pushes all the right buttons."

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10. Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9! That's the best I've done so far.

What’s red, nine inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry every time she sees it?

Her abortion.

I'm 34 and I went on a date with my 19 year old girlfriend. I got heckled with "you're a paedophile!" and "you sick F...!" Completely ruined our 10th anniversary!

What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.

What's 6ft long, red, and my girlfriend cries when I feed it to her?

A miscarriage.

Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.

My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish. I'm feeling cannelloni right now.

What's Asian but has broken up with its girlfriend?

A dumpling.

I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.

your mom

My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.

What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Stop and apply lubrication.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair. But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.

I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.