My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex?
Call her on the phone.
Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?
Because he had a reptile dysfunction!
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wipe his ass.
