Girlfriend jokes
I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"
My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.
I started thrashing about and roared, “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."
I caught my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.
My girlfriend's last words:
"I can’t wait to become a mom!"
Why did the orphan not have a girlfriend?
Because he thought that she would leave him too.
What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?
Nothing, he just started wanking.
I like my girlfriends like my children: dead.
My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
Depression, I got it.
A girlfriend, don't got it.
A life, don't got it.
Help, got it.
Friends, don't got it.
Family, I got it.
Best of all, depression, I got it!!!!!!
My girlfriend said, "GIMME EIGHT INCHES AND MAKE IT HURT!"
So I pumped my dick in her 4 times and hit her in the head with a brick.
So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was "Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!"
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
I fucked your girl.
I like my dynamite like I like my woman: hot and ready to explode.
This guy walked into a pizzeria and ordered a water. The owner called him an idiot.
His girlfriend walked in and ordered a pineapple pizza.
The guy left her, and the owner made her leave.
What's black, anorexic, dumb, and will never get a girlfriend?
Me.
My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.
She does not exist.
My girlfriend broke up with me today, but it’s ok.
She said we can still be cousins.
Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.