What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?
I don't have a girlfriend.
What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?
I don't have a girlfriend.
I was in my car listening to my radio. Steve Winwood's song came on, "Just Roll With It, Baby." I said that must be one of Stephen Hawking's favorite songs; he sings it to his girlfriend.
What can you tell a dog, but not your girlfriend? Come.
Little Johnny is walking around and peeks in his parents' room, catching them having sex. So he asks, "What are you guys doing?" and they reply, "Nothing, nothing! We're just, uh, making cake," and they send him away.
So he continues walking around, and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother's room. He walks in and catches his brother and his brother's girlfriend having sex and then asks him, "What are you guys doing?" and his brother yells, "Get out! We're making cake!"
So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says, "So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night, huh?" and she replies, "OMG! How'd you know!?" and Johnny replies, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."
Q: What did the skeleton say when he proposed to his girlfriend?
A: Will you marrow me?
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.
But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.
When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.
Q: What did Tim say when his girlfriend fell down a rabbit hole?
A: Hole-y shit!
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.
What's red, 6 inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry when I feed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?
Boyfriend: My mom taught me.