My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish.

I’m feeling cannelloni right now.

I love breakups, my ex-girlfriends always end up in pieces.

Whats red, 6 inches long and makes my girlfriend cry when I feed it to her ?

Her miscarriage

I was going to an expensive dinner with my friends girlfriend because she really wanted to go but he just got out of surgery and he said take care of her so I said will do bro I’ll bring her back fuller that a topped up water bottle

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!

That’s the best I’ve done so far.

I like my dynamite like I like my woman. Hot and ready to explode.

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my my other girlfriend.

The other day my Girlfriend asked me to hand her, the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.

This guy walked into a pizzeria and ordered a water. The owner called him an idiot.

His girlfriend walked in and ordered a pineapple pizza.

The guy left her and the owner made her leave.

How many genders are there? One, women are property.

TFW you’re having sex with your german girlfriend and she won’t stop telling you here age

My girlfriend said she wanted to be pampered. I told her I wasn’t into diaper fetishes.

Why didn’t Hitler’s girlfriend like giving him a blowjob? It left a Nazi taste in her mouth…

My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once We had sex afterwards even though she lost

My girlfriend passed away recently.

at the funeral everyone was shocked about it

Still even when dead she is the best shag I’ve ever known

I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm she said “ is it because I warned him when hottness came” I said “ no, you don’t shut up

When do you go on red and stop at green A watermelon

911 whats your emergency? Me: Officer My Girlfriend is dead! Operator: What Happened!? Me: She Bit The Tip

One day me and my girlfriend were just hanging out and she needed to tell our dad that we were going out.

What’s the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby

I don’t have a girlfriend

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