My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom

I took my girlfriend out the other day… Man do I love being a sniper.

A man wakes up from his operation and the doctor says ‘I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?’ The man says ‘bad’ so the doctor says ‘during the surgery your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man’ the man says ‘what’s the good then?’ And the doctor says ‘I’m picking her up at 7’

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, “No, wait! I can change.”

Girlfriend: am I pretty or ugly?

Boyfriend: your both!

Girlfriend: what do you mean by that?

Boyfriend: your pretty ugly!!!

Roast: What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One is hairy and smells like fish and the other is a walrus. Your welcome

If depression is going to be my girlfriend. Will she leave me?

I asked my girlfriend if he wanted to join my family tree… She dropped the rope and ran

i cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.

Little Johhny is walking around and peaks in his parents room, catching them having sex so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! we’re just uh, making cake” and they send him away. So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brothers room so he walks in and catches his brother and his brothers girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! were making cake!” So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! Howd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.

My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a seven year old.

I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend.

She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.

why did the orphan not have a girlfriend?

because he thought that she would leave him to.

So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”

my girlfriend dumped me today apparently I don’t stand up for her in fights I don’t care she use to push me around all the time

I have a problem my dad any my girlfriend have the same birthday. So one took my virginity and the other is my girlfriend

i will never forget my girlfriends last words…"get off of me STOP"slurp…Dead

Why are we depressed, is it because that bully in your school, or that you have acne, how about when you listen to you sad song playlist, maybe cause you have no friends, Or is it the fact your anime girlfriend is fake. T^T

What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?

He wipes his butt.

Only one of Kenny’s girlfriends has ever said he’s good in bed. But she has to. She’s his mom.