Girlfriend jokes

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it!" she replied, "Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"

She said, "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!"

One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are... But I laugh more.

I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.

A: What's the similarity between your girlfriend and the sun?

B: They're both hot?

A: They're both massive.

Why did the orphan not have a girlfriend?

Because he thought that she would leave him too.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair. But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.

I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to join my family tree... She dropped the rope and ran.

I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.

When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant.

Did you get seafood without me?

So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was "Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!"

I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.

My girlfriend called me a "bot" in Fortnite, so I called her "sandwich maker 3000."

I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

My girlfriend dumped me today. Apparently, I don't stand up for her in fights. I don't care. She used to push me around all the time.

As we speak now, someone is making arrangements for December with your girlfriend.

What can you tell a dog, but not your girlfriend? Come.

A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."

The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks Dad," the son says.

The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."

When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?

My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.