I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend.

She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.

I asked my girlfriend if he wanted to join my family tree… She dropped the rope and ran

I have a problem my dad any my girlfriend have the same birthday. So one took my virginity and the other is my girlfriend

Your at your girlfriends house for a family dinner. Your GF says, " Daddy please pass me the salt." when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.

why did the orphan not have a girlfriend?

because he thought that she would leave him to.

The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them. He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”

Girlfriend: am I pretty or ugly?

Boyfriend: your both!

Girlfriend: what do you mean by that?

Boyfriend: your pretty ugly!!!

Q: What did the skeleton say when he proposed to his girlfriend? A: Will you marrow me?

My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.

I started thrashing about and roared “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”

A man wakes up from his operation and the doctor says ‘I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?’ The man says ‘bad’ so the doctor says ‘during the surgery your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man’ the man says ‘what’s the good then?’ And the doctor says ‘I’m picking her up at 7’

Most states:

“It’s ok, it won’t be awkward. We’re still friends.”

Alabama:

“She didn’t wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she’ll still be my sister.”

Roast: What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One is hairy and smells like fish and the other is a walrus. Your welcome

i will never forget my girlfriends last words…"get off of me STOP"slurp…Dead

So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”

My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a seven year old.

What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?

He wipes his butt.

My girlfriend called me a pedophile but what does she know, She’s 7

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.

They had great seats right behind their teams bench.

After the game the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.

“Oh, I really liked it!” she replied, “Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?”

She said, “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!’ I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!”

I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard she turned Christian.

Two girls have a sleepover.

Karen: Let’s go to bed. Lauren:Fine, but it’s early. *Karen wakes up and exits room" Lauren hears noise Mikey: Your so much better than my girlfriend Karen. Lauren: laughs Lauren: remembers her boyfriend is Karen’s brother Mikey