one time i broke up with my roblox girlfriend by sending her a message, 30 seconds later i heard my uncle crying in the next room

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, “No, wait! I can change.”

What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?

Take her wheel chair, she’ll come crawling back.

My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”

What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Stop and apply lubrication.

My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me. The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment. With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.

My girlfriend is like treasure to me

You need a shovel to find her…

Girlfriends are just like Ak47s they always go off on you.

My girlfriend is 19 and I’m 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed.

It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary

When I was a kid I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.

Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. Tomato means harder and cheese means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming tomato tomato tomato cheese cheese cheese, then my little brother said can y’all stop making sandwiches your getting mayonnaise all over my bed.

Why couldn’t the lizard get a girlfriend?

Because he had a reptile dysfunction!

Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.

wha can you tella dog, but not your girlfriend…? come

Last time i talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.

My girlfriend accused me of cheating and i said to her, your starting to sound like my wife.

My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. – I’m doing well, but I do get cannelloni.

My father is like Houdini, when he heard his girlfriend was pregnant he disappeared.

my girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex and I said what’s that, she said I fuck her ass, I said oh my uncle calls that shhhhh

My girlfriend is a porn star. – She will kill me if she finds out.