Girlfriend jokes

How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?

When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.

My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking, so I brought home some tampons.

I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man, do I love being a sniper.

Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.

I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to join my family tree... She dropped the rope and ran.

Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.

If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.

My girl is so cute when she sleeps. I watch her all the time... Tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time.

My girlfriend called me pedophile today.

Big word for a 12-year-old.

I caught my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.

What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.

My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.

I was making holy water, and my girlfriend walked in, saying, "What are you doing?"

I said, "Making holy water."

She said, "How are you making holy water?"

I'm boiling the hell out of it.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

120 pounds.

Most states:

"It's ok, it won't be awkward. We're still friends."

Alabama:

"She didn't wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she'll still be my sister."

Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?

Because he had a reptile dysfunction!

If depression is going to be my girlfriend, will she leave me?

What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.

My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"

My girlfriend accuse me of cheating. I asked her what was I supposed to do? She was just lying naked she said just do the damn autopsy.