Girlfriend jokes

I keep looking for my girlfriend's killer, but no one wants to do it.

I caught my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.

Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.

What's the worst part of breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it.

Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex, but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. "Tomato" means harder and "cheese" means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming, "Tomato, tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese, cheese," then my little brother said, "Can y’all stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over my bed."

Boy: "My girlfriend didn't dump me, I dumped her..."

Off the nearby cliff.

My girlfriend called me a pedophile, but what does she know? She's 7.

My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.

I have a problem. My dad and my girlfriend have the same birthday. So, one took my virginity, and the other is my girlfriend.

My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.

One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk, and he says, "I went to a party with my girlfriend, and this random guy walks up to us and says, 'Can I borrow your girlfriend for 30 minutes?' I say yes, and he takes her upstairs. It was not only 30 minutes, but an hour. When she came back down, she was out of breath, so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation." This happens about 3 more times that night.

But as I was saying, only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys. 😊😇

Two girls have a sleepover.

Karen: Let's go to bed.

Lauren: Fine, but it's early.

*Karen wakes up and exits room*

*Lauren hears noise*

Mikey: You're so much better than my girlfriend, Karen.

Lauren: *laughs*

Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother, Mikey*

My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking, so I brought home some tampons.

My girl is so cute when she sleeps. I watch her all the time... Tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time.

A: What's the similarity between your girlfriend and the sun?

B: They're both hot?

A: They're both massive.

Only one of Kenny's girlfriends has ever said he's good in bed.

But she has to. She's his mom.

I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat.

She said nothing, so I took her to Africa.

I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend.

She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.

My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me.

The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment.

With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.

My girlfriend dumped me today. Apparently, I don't stand up for her in fights. I don't care. She used to push me around all the time.