Girlfriend

Girlfriend jokes

Killer

I keep looking for my girlfriend's killer, but no one wants to do it.

Bomb

What's the worst part of breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it.

Sex

Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex, but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. "Tomato" means harder and "cheese" means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming, "Tomato, tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese, cheese," then my little brother said, "Can y’all stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over my bed."

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  • Memes

    Dump

    Boy: "My girlfriend didn't dump me, I dumped her..."

    Off the nearby cliff.

    Problem

    I have a problem. My dad and my girlfriend have the same birthday. So, one took my virginity, and the other is my girlfriend.

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  • Sex

    My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.

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  • Guy

    One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk, and he says, "I went to a party with my girlfriend, and this random guy walks up to us and says, 'Can I borrow your girlfriend for 30 minutes?' I say yes, and he takes her upstairs. It was not only 30 minutes, but an hour. When she came back down, she was out of breath, so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation." This happens about 3 more times that night.

    But as I was saying, only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys. 😊😇

    Sleepover

    Two girls have a sleepover.

    Karen: Let's go to bed.

    Lauren: Fine, but it's early.

    *Karen wakes up and exits room*

    *Lauren hears noise*

    Mikey: You're so much better than my girlfriend, Karen.

    Lauren: *laughs*

    Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother, Mikey*

    Girl

    My girl is so cute when she sleeps. I watch her all the time... Tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time.

    Similarity

    A: What's the similarity between your girlfriend and the sun?

    B: They're both hot?

    A: They're both massive.

    Incest

    Only one of Kenny's girlfriends has ever said he's good in bed.

    But she has to. She's his mom.

    Nothing

    I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat.

    She said nothing, so I took her to Africa.

    Pride Month

    I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend.

    She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.

    Adrenaline

    My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me.

    The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment.

    With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.

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  • Fight

    My girlfriend dumped me today. Apparently, I don't stand up for her in fights. I don't care. She used to push me around all the time.