Girl

Girl jokes

Nightmare

The other day I went on a romantic cruise in Hawaii. Then I met my girl Zendaya on board. She was shaking her ass and playing with her penis. Then she asked me, "Hey, you wanna make love in the cabin?" I said, "Sure, sweet thang," gave me her number, kissed me on the cheek. Next day she woke up because it was a romantic nightmare.

Blonde

Three women—a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead—are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two hours later, their vehicle dies with no gas, and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.

The brunette brings canteens of water.

The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.

The blonde somehow rips off the car door.

The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"

To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."

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  • Orgasm

    A 13 year old girl is having a sleepover. One of her friends asks, "When was the last time you had an orgasm?" She replies, "3 days ago." Dad comes bursting in, "I KNEW YOU WERE FAKING LAST NIGHT!"

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  • Girlfriend

    I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"

    Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"

    Color

    Girls: OMG what color should I use, baby blue, light blue, or navy blue?

    Boys: blue is blue.

    Snack

    Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.

    Girl: Your card got declined.

    Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.

    Prank

    Here is a funny little prank I did on my sister. So she was in her room when she reached to get her shampoo, cause you know girls and hair, when she went to squeeze it out, it came out oil, toothpaste, chicken breast, barf, and onions! SHE PUT IT IN HER HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GROSS BUT FUNNY!

    When she got to school she heard kids laughing at her cause the prankster did it again!

    Later!

    Pimp

    What is similar about the feelings of a girl's birth daddy and her new pimp daddy?

    They both worry about how she will turn out!

    Noodle

    For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"

    Sex

    If God didn’t mean for us to have sex with 11-year-old girls, why did he make them so sexy and so much physically weaker?

    Doctor

    A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”

    Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”

    Teen

    A young teen was walking home from school and having a nice day.

    She gets home, eats, showers, and heads to her room. The young teen hears her mother say something. Not sure what she said, the girl replies with "ok."

    The young teen was gonna head to bed, wondering when her mom was gonna come in and say goodnight. She lays in bed, but then she hears her mom's voice say, "Hunny, I'm home." She doesn't bother to say ok.

    Later, when she decides to sleep, she gets a message from her mom saying to unlock the door, that she lost her keys. :)

    Washing Machine

    A young peasant coming from the field with his scythe on his shoulder notices an attractive young woman that was doing the laundry in a mountain stream, perched on some rocks near a waterfall.

    The guy stops and leans against his scythe, fascinated by the young girl's beauty.

    After minutes of watching her, she loses her balance, slips on a rock and falls all the way down, crushing her head on the white rocks.

    Thoughtful, he puts his scythe back on his shoulder and walks away, saying to himself "Damn, another washing machine destroyed by limestone!"

    Boyfriend

    What is a kind thing to say to someone and what is a rude thing to say to someone?

    Kind thing to say to someone: You are the most perfect you there is. Your outlook on life is amaz- (BLAH, BLAH, BLAH ENOUGH!)

    Rudist thing to say too someone: You more uglyer than my mama's boyfriend. You are a son of a b word! Okay that is so much rude and why you can say that to a tree but anyway not the point. Bonus: The world's most weirdest name to say to a girl, is Nutter butter, we know that's a weird *and* stupid name because she is not nutter or butter she is a person not a thing! Oh well bye!!!!

    Orphan

    An orphan girl's boyfriend broke up with her, what was his reason?

    "If her parents didn't want her, why should I?"

    Robot

    What do you call a male robot who wants to be a girl?

    A trans-former.

    Meat

    This anorexic girl wanted to fight me. I told her that I would roast her, but she didn't have any meat.

    School

    Why did the 18-year-old girl need a ladder to go to school?

    Because it was High School.