Gift jokes
What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?
Guys, this is so disrespectful, I love Jesus. I go to church every Tuesday morning to give Jesus a... giffffffft.
So disrespectful guys. #jesusismyhubby
I bought my sister a trampoline. She sat in her wheelchair and cried.
For a present on Christmas, I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.
Why is Santa always so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"
"Cancer."
To spite Santa and Greta Thunberg, I'm burning the coal I got for Christmas.
What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?
Nothing because they can't open the gift.
When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.
What did the blind man say on Christmas?
"I can feel your presents!"
Q. What does Jeffrey Epstein get his sex partners for their birthday? A. Crayons.
What does a terrorist get for Christmas?
A C4.
It’s Christmas and Sally has a gift. She got a Barrie. Just kidding, she still hasn’t opened it.
So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”
What did the rape victim give to her rapist?
Head.
Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?
Because they're the ones who made the toys.
Why did little sally fall off the swings?
Because she had no arms.
What did sally get for Christmas?
Gloves! Only joking...she still hasn’t opened the box.
Why does Santa have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.
Brother: I bought my brother a trampoline today, the ungrateful fuck just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
My grandad broke his legs.
To cheer him up, I bought him a Walkman.