Get jokes
How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?
You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.
Cannibal eats missionary, gets a taste for religion.
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?
One gets picked.
Why was going through JFK's head when he was getting assassinated? A bullet.
What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.
Dschoha's wife was accustomed to go out at night to meet her lover, which caused the neighbors to tease Dschoha. Thus, one night he stayed awake until she left, then locked the door and sat down just inside.
Upon returning, she found the door locked. She asked him to have mercy on her and to open the door, but he just scolded her.
Having given up hope for a good outcome, she said to him, "If you don't open the door for me, I'll jump into the well."
Then she picked up a large stone and threw it into the well. Filled with regret, he ran outside to see what had happened. His wife immediately slipped into the house and locked the door.
He made every effort to convince her to let him come inside, but she scolded him incessantly, saying, "This is what you get for staying out all night with your drunken friends!" And thus she succeeded in shaming him in the presence of all their neighbors.
Beans for centuries have been called "false friends," because they have a tendency to talk behind one's back. If you get my drift. 🤣
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They have no home to run to.
Get it?
Robber 1: *gets shot in ass*
Robber 2: You have to shit in a bag for life lol.
Robber 1: What, the Tesco or Asda one?
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot's house.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.
Why don't rappers ever get lost?
Because they always have BARS on their GPS.
Do you ever get that feeling where you're just going through a school parking lot, then you realize that there are no parking lots?
Bro, whenever I look at you, Fortnite gets popular again.
What disease do you get from eating fish?
Salmonella!
When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant.
Did you get seafood without me?
So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?
Because they just keep getting harder and harder!
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.