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What is a good night sleep? I love it when you walk home and walk home from school and walk home and walk home from home and walk home and get a good night walk and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from...

I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.

Why did the little boy get hit by a car?

Answer: Because Sally was driving!

Mom, start eating, or else you will get fatter!

Why did a school shooter get banned from a game server?

He was caught aimbotting.

What's the difference between orphans and apples? Apples get picked.

New Windex ad:

You should get Windex for that dirty mind!

When you get to feel a dick in you, then suck bro, all your stress [goes] out the window.

Q: What do you get from a two-legged cow? A: Lean beef.

I am sooooooo bored, Gwen, can you please get on, or anybody, since I'm weirdly obsessed with Gwen.

Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.

Next day:

Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?

Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.

The dad sulked for 3 whole years.

Proof that words really can hurt.

Q: Why did the ballerina get kicked off the squad?

She was standing way too close to the dancers.

Your forehead is so fucking big, I had to call an Uber to get across the eyebrows to your hairline.

I know it's bad, sorry.

Hey, my man, why you got them damn old, stanky-looking Whoopi Goldberg cornrows on you head? Are y'all twins, or boyfriend and girlfriend, 'cause if y'all are, go get married in Color Purple land.

The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.

Where would Batman get his freak on at? The Batcave or the bat strip club?

I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.

You're so short that you don't have to open the front door to get inside the house.

----> [] get in the door.

Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"

Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"

Boy: "What do you mean?"

Friend and me: "We can show you."

Me: "I will tie the rope."

Friend: "I will push the chair."