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Why didn't the octopus get a tent? Because it had tentacles.

Best pick up line EVER.

There is an app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12 to 15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12 to 15 inches longer.

What do you get when you cross a pig with a cactus? A porkupine!

But you could get plastic surgery and look 20 years younger. With that, no one will suspect you!

Orphan: "I get all the A pluses and y'all bad!"

And then I told him: "If you feel so special, try telling your parents. You can't, can you?"

My mom is telling me to get off Friday Night Funkin' or she will slam my head against the keyboard: weherhrqqkh[qokqho[krq3[t4i2-4q43q343q44334q43.

When orphans go to school, they can’t get parent pickup.

The one good thing about an orphan is that they don't get roasted with a "yo mama" joke.

Alright class, the person who answers my next question gets to go home.

Then a guy throws a pencil. The teacher asks, "Who threw that pencil?" "I did, I get to go home."

The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.

Ok, everyone on this website... I HAVE NO BROTHERS OR SISTERS. The person who claims he's my "brother" is firesharky. He is trying to get fame. Never listen to him. He will lie and trick you to think I have a brother, but I don't.

Why do orphans not get family size [items]?

Because they don’t have a family to share with.

Why do golfers bring a spare pair of socks?

In case they get a hole in one.

Friend (Evan): Did you do some dumb shit?

Me: Hell yeah.

Friend (Evan): Did you get us both in trouble?

Me: Hell yeah.

Friend (Evan): Will I still help you because you are my best friend?

Both: FUCK YEAH!

Guys, say "A wrecked isle dysfunction" really loud and you will get good luck for 10 years.

When you get to feel a dick in you, then suck bro, all your stress [goes] out the window.

Katgod, can you get your girlfriend? She's messing with me, and I'm gonna hurt soon.

Q: Why are orphans so scared to get married?

A: They don't know what it feels like to have a family.

So an ace gets handed a piece of paper and it says, "Do you like me or no?" and the ace says, "I'm not registered to vote!" Hahahahahahahahjajqh.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apes get picked.