Get jokes

Yo momma's so old that even scientists get baffled about where she lived before Earth was created.

What happens if you play with Santa’s ball? You get a white Christmas.

Why did the grandpa leave the house to go to the grocery store?

To get the ice cream for the grandma.

What's the difference between pizza deliveries and the Twin Towers?

Pizza deliveries get their orders right.

I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples get picked.

"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"

Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.

If we can't say "God" in vain, why does He get to?

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?

To get to the other side.

Yo mama so fat, she had to get baptized in the ocean.

Why do candles like birthdays?

Because they can get lit!

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.

It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

What's the difference between a dog and an orphan? The dog gets picked.

Why can't orphans ever get a car? Because they don't have a birth certificate.

"Get off your computer, Jessie Jex."

How to make an orphan's feet bleed? Make them run in place until their parents get them.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

Dark humor is like pussy: whining bitches don't get it.

You soak balls, get it?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

It's me. I can't get in because Stephen Hawking is in the way.