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Hairline

Your hairline is like a lollipop because every time someone licks it, it gets shorter.

Guy

I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy!

Fish

There was a fish looking for a great meal. He looks above him and sees a fly. He thought, "If that fly drops six inches, I would have a meal." Long story short, a pussy gets wet.

Memes

Orphan

How did the orphan lose its parents?

Its parents never came back from getting milk.

Emo

I asked the emo girl if she gets jealous when her phone dies.

Orphan

Why can’t orphans play baseball? They have no home to run to.

Get it?

Emo

What’s the difference between an emo and a pack of Oreos? The emo’s barcode gets longer every day.

Blowjob

How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?

If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.

Joe Biden

Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"

Perspective

I’m trying to see things from LEO’S perspective... but I just can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

Rapper

Why did the rapper cross the road?

To get to the studio on the other side.

Rapper

What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?

A rhyme scheme that's all about the Benjamins!

Rapper

Why did the rapper go to the dentist?

To get his DENTAL FLOW checked.

Fan

Who gets more dick, straight male rap fans or straight male swifties? Answer: Straight male rap fans, because there’s no such thing as a straight male swiftie.

Newspaper

What does Leo have in common with a newspaper?

They both love to yap and babble, and they always get fondled by old people.