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Dark humor is like a child with cancer...

Never gets old.

Somebody shouts "Fire!"

Man 1: Get the children out!

Man 2: F*** the children!

Man 3: We don't have time!

Why did the koala cross the road?

To get to the big tree.

Roses are red, my name is Dan...

TDM, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!

What time do dogs 🐕 get a walk done ✅?

Time to walk with your dog 🐶!

What time is it when you get home? Can you walk me home, and then get home? Then I can walk you home, and walk home.

I thought I told you to lock up when I left this morning. This is why our shit gets stolen all the time!

My wife purely hates me for me having sex with our daughter.

It's not my fault I couldn't wait to get out of the abortion clinic!

Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be Wanted.

Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.

I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.

What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.

Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.

What is an orphan’s least favorite song? "We are Family."

What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? "Family Guy."

What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? "Meet the Parents."

What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.

Next: Inappropriate Jokes

What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.

What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.

What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.

Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.

What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.

Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.

What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.

Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.

Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?

What do you get when you cross an octopus with a Mexican?

I don't know, but man can it pick lettuce.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

The apple gets picked.

I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.

They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.

A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."

Want to hear a joke?

My life. Get it?

I would have told you about a chemistry joke, but I wouldn't get a reaction.

What happens if you sit under a cow?

You get a pat on the head.

Yo mama is so ugly that Kanye West went East to get away from her.

What do you call an LGBTQ person getting grilled? LGBBQ.

Your hairline is like a lollipop because every time someone licks it, it gets shorter.

What's the most expensive haircut you can get? Chemotherapy.