Get jokes
How do stars get their name?
By a black hole because it's sueeeee!
What's the difference between orphans and apple trees?
The apples actually get picked.
Everyone at the Queen's funeral:
Me and the boys getting her reboot card.
Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.
Why couldn't the orphan play baseball?
Because he can't get home.
Why does a kid in a wheelchair get bullied? Because he can’t stand up for himself.
This mute kid was getting made fun of. I told him to speak up for himself.
What’s the difference in an apple and an orphan?
One actually gets picked.
What's the difference between orphans and apples?
Apples get picked.
A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"
This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"
Why did the dog cross the road?
To get to his owner.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple actually gets picked.
What world record did the people in 9/11 get?
The world record for going down 80 floors in a matter of seconds.
Do you ever get that feeling where you're just going through a school parking lot, then you realize that there are no parking lots?
What disease do you get from eating fish?
Salmonella!
I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home!
Why do orphans like fucking other dads?
Because they get to have a daddy.