Get jokes

I am the worst joke ever. Get it? My whole life is a joke.

Guy, it was so weird yesterday. I saw a guy, and he kept repeating the same thing over and over. I hate people with dementia. I told my mom to get a new mirror, but she won’t listen to me. It’s almost like I said it like 20 times every time I say it.

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Apples get picked.

"Stupid faker, if you're trying to get me to leave the site, it won't work!"

I go to Venus to get a bigger penis.

What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game?

Adopt Me, so they can get adopted.

Q: Why did the islamic chicken cross the road?

A: To get to the airport.

I am the least serious person ever, but whoever is joking about cancer is vile :)

Get some fucking respect, you silly tramp!

What do you get when you combine a planet and an apple?

Mario.

Anyone know how to get an A on the "An Inspector Calls" section of the GCSE paper?

When my dog barks, he gets ruff.

I had a good night, and I love it when you get a good walk and you get to.

Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.

Yo mamma's so fat, she had to pull down her pants to get to her wallet!

Dark jokes are like food, not everybody gets it.

Why do elephants never get rich?

Because they work for peanuts!

What time is it when you say I can’t walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦼.

What happens when the orphan at school gets sent home?

Why couldn't Sally get back up? Because she has no friends.

An old lady walks into an ice cream store. A clerk greets her and says, "What will it be today, ma'am? We have every flavor you can imagine." The old lady says, "Well, I guess I'd like a quart of chocolate ice cream." The clerk says, "Sorry, ma'am, we're out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we'll have." "Ok," she replies, "Why don't you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream?" The clerk says a little louder in case she's hard of hearing, "Sorry, ma'am, but we're fresh out of chocolate ice cream." The old lady says, "Oh, ok. Why don't you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?"

Finally, totally exasperated, the clerk says, "Wait a minute, lady. Can you spell 'Van' as in vanilla?" "Why of course, young man," she says, "V-A-N." "Right," the clerk says, "Can you spell 'Straw' as in strawberry?" "Well of course, 'Straw'," she replied. "Ok, then," he says, "Now spell 'Fuck' as in chocolate." She says, "There's no 'Fuck' in chocolate." He says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you... THERE'S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!"