Get jokes

Why can't an orphan get a vaccine?

They need parental permission.

Girl: Dad, where are you?

Dad: I went to go get milk.

Girl: But we have milk.

Dad: I know, I just don't love you.

So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.

When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.

Why’d the chicken cross the road?

To get choked and stroked by Mr. Big Bloke!

“We’ll choke and stroke, it ain’t no joke!”

Why did he go to the chiropractors?

To get his spine fixed.

I wish I was at a Western bar; then I would get shot.

Are you a train because I want to get railed by you? ;)

If you ever get cold, just go to a corner because they're usually 90 degrees.

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.

Chalie has an eating disorder, and he is shorter, so is his life, but he will never get a wife. He's a gay motherfucker who wants to be hit by a trucker?

Son: Dad, I'm gay.

Dad: I support you.

Son: I like you.

Dad: Get out and into my room!

The difference between an apple and an orphan is that the apple gets picked.

Do you know what a reverse exorcism is?

It's when the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.

Why do emo kids not get phones? Because the phone dies before them.

Dark jokes are just like food.

Not everyone gets it.

How it be when the new guy takes too long...

Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.

Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.

Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.

Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.

Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.

Do you know why dead baby jokes are always funny?

They never get old.

I ask the emo girl if she gets jealous when her phone dies.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple gets picked.