Get jokes
We should stop the orphan jokes. The parents will get mad.
Sally has no arms. What did she get for Christmas? I don't know, she hasn't opened it yet.
What does the ocean do to its friends? It waves. (*Sorry, I wasn’t making any jokes for a while. I was getting sick of this thing.*)
Your mama's so fat when she sat on the toilet, the toilet said, "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, get your fat ass off of me!"
Q: What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
A: One of them gets picked.
Why did the bee get married?
Because she found her honey.
Your forehead is so big Mega Mind gets jealous.
You know why pedophiles get away with molesting children?
Because who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.
How did the security guard at the orchid get better at his job? He got an Apple Watch.
There's an upside to being an orphan; every snack they get is family size.
Yo' mama sometimes always happens to let you know you're back in New York -- like the way people order in a restaurant: "Could you take my order before Jesus gets back? What's the matter with you? I've evolved into another species here, you understand? I can't eat clam chowder no more. I gotta see the cyborg menu, you understand?"
Did you know that graveyards are the most popular place in the world? Yeah, people are just DYING to get in there...
VOTING QUARTERFINAL 3: LIKE: When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom and the autistic kid thinks it’s a Disco party. 🕺🕺🕺
DISLIKE: When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering but you walk toward his gun; “I will finish what you started.”
Vote for the better joke.
God: Ok, so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look from being born to preteen.
Satan: (slides in) I’ll take over for you, pops.
God: I dunno... this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.
Satan: Don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!
God: Hmm... I’m still not- (Gets a call on his phone) Shoot, I got to take this. (Answers call) Don’t touch anything, Lucifer! (Walks away)
Satan:.......(just touches lightly, and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)
God: (rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!
God: (tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) Fuck me........
God:....(sighs) Fine, it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty.
What starts with M and ends with carriage?
This joke never gets old, but then again neither does the baby.
Why did the rapper get kicked out of the grocery store?
He kept dropping the BEETS!
Two gay men walk into a bar. One of them turned to the other and said, "Hey, what do you say we get out of here?"
They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket.
They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.
If a gay person is vegan, how does he have sex? He will keep getting meat stuck in his ass and in his throat.
What's funny about sex? I don't get it.