Get jokes
10 years ago my dad went to get milk. He said when he got back, he was going to tell me a joke. That joke better be worth it!
Why did Little Sally get hurt while playing soccer?
Because she fell into a minefield.
What do you get if you cross a zebra and a donkey?
Zeedonk.
I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.
I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."
Why did the pedo cross the road?
To get to the pre-school on the other side.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
Because they'll get a hole in one!
What did the skeleton get when he saw goth girls?......A boner.
What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?
A seatbelt.
What's the #1 rule of kidnapping prevention?
Don't get carried away!
Me: “You guys wanna know a cool fact?”
Friend 1: “Yeah.”
Friend 2: “Yea.”
Me: “Japan is RIGHT that way. If we swim all night...we’ll be able to get to Japan.”
Friend 3: “I love anime.”
Friend 1 & 2: “Nononononononononono!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Me: *Laughs at Friend 3*
Why should you put an autistic person in a refrigerator?
Because otherwise you’ll get a rotten vegetable.
(Not meant to be triggering).
When I get naked in the bathroom... the shower usually gets turned on!
What was the chip doing at the hairdressers?
It was getting a crinkle cut.
How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?
A blender.
How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.
What did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side. 😂😂😂
Why did the duck get arrested? For selling quack.
I'd make a joke about Noble Gases, but I probably wouldn't get much of a reaction.
I did a walk today and had fun. Today, I did not have to go get my kids and get to my new house. 🏠 It was a good day. I had fun. I did a walk today. I had fun today, but I’m going to be at the car 🚘 when I’m at my car. 🚘 What time was your night time? What time did [you go to bed]?
What time is it when it gets dark out?
Bed time.
What is the difference between an American and an orphan?
They don't have a home to get their guns.