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Time

Edward Scissorhands: Why is it that every time I touch someone, they get offended?

Kids: Because you're a psycho path.

Pope

You get on an elevator and you find the Pope and Donald Trump cowering from two snarling wolves. In your hand you find a revolver with only two bullets in it... what do you do?

You shoot the Pope and the Donald each in a leg and exit the elevator at the next stop.

Memes

Friend

You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.

Orphan

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Apples get picked.

Orphan

What’s the difference between a fruit and an orphan? One gets chosen :)

Orphan

Why do orphans have to get an iPhone 12?

Because it doesn’t have a home button.

Orphan

Why can orphans get away from the FBI?

Because they don't have a house.

Animal

What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?

A white elephant.

Midnight

It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.

Booty

Denki: Hey, Mineta, I have a joke for you.

Mineta: Go on.

Denki: Uraraka's booty.

Mineta: I don't get it.

Denki: Exactly.

Mineta: ^cries T_T^

Bee

Why did the bee get into trouble?

Because he wasn't beehiving very well!