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What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?
The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.
Guess what you get when you cross a dark side and your king?
What is the difference between apples and orphans?........... The apple gets picked.
Why did the Headless Horseman get a job?
He was trying to get ahead in life.
Why did the lonely fish get a detention? Because he left the school.
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
My ex-wife misses me, but her aim is getting better.
What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.
Why did the man go across the train tracks to get to the other side?
Yo, dad went to get milk and still hasn't came back 10 years later!
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Why aren't orphans scared of getting in trouble at school?
Because they can't call their parents.
What gets hard when tugged and fits perfectly in between boobs... A seatbelt.
I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.
Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.
Why did the Twin Towers go shopping?
To get some plane bread.
I get jealous when my phone dies.
A guy and his girl just finished making love.
Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"
The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"
"Knock, knock.""Who's there?""Not your dad."Random kid: "My dad went to get milk. My mom said he will be back soon."
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Q: What’s the difference between apples and orphans?
A: Apples get picked.