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What's worse than a dead baby?

A pile of dead babies.

What's worse than that?

One's alive at the bottom.

What's even worse than THAT?

It eats it's way out.

Wait it gets worse...

It goes back for seconds.

Just one more I swear...

It fucks one of it's siblings at the bottom.

What do you call a dude that is always high and gets higher than everyone else in the family? The alpha pothead!

You think on a airplane when a muslim guy gets on, people look at him and think... "Aw, fuck."

Jimmy: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Joe: Why?

Jimmy: To get to the idiot’s house.

Jimmy: Knock knock.

Joe: Who’s there?

Jimmy: It’s the chicken.

Why did the lonely fish get a detention? Because he left the school.

My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...

What happened?

Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.

I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.

Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.

People have been telling me that you can get things for free now.

The other day I saw a sign saying "FREE PALESTINE."

Yo, dad went to get milk and still hasn't came back 10 years later!

A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it’s too long."

Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you’ll never get it."

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple tray?

The apples get picked.

Where do orphans get their stuff from?

The reject shop.

What will fall faster, an emo or an apple?

An apple, because the emo would get caught on the rope.

Why did the chickens cross the road?

To get to KFC.

Dark humor is like life:

Not everyone gets it.

You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.

Why shouldn't you get in a fight with a dinosaur?

You'll get jur ass kicked.

I am in trouble. My mum asked me to get six cans of Sprite.

But I got seven Up.

Why did the doctor get mad?

Because he was losing his patients.

Why did Pinocchio cross the road?

To get to the other lied.