Get jokes
Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?
My friend: To get to the other side?
Me: No, to get to the idiot's house.
My friend: Oh.
Me: Knock knock.
My friend: Who's there?
Me: The chicken.
I get jealous when my phone dies.
My ex-wife misses me, but her aim is getting better.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies. (This does not apply to me. It's a joke.)
What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.
A guy and his girl just finished making love.
Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"
The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"
Why did he die? He forgot to get a new GPU for his new PC.
They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket.
They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.
Why is an orphan bad at tennis?
'Cause he couldn't get any love.
How do you get a depressed person to jump?
Put them on a bridge.
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Q: What’s the difference between apples and orphans?
A: Apples get picked.
Gen Z is most likely going to be the last generation who felt the pain of getting up early to catch their favorite show.
What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?
Nothing. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.
I am in trouble. My mum asked me to get six cans of Sprite.
But I got seven Up.
Why did Pinocchio cross the road?
To get to the other lied.
What do you call a protest that gets crowded?
Human trafficking.
Why’s BBC called BBC?
The dude’s shlong gets bigger every time he says n-
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't get a home run.