Get jokes
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies. (This does not apply to me. It's a joke.)
What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.
Just told Putin to get some b*tches.
Waiting for 3801 missiles to strike my house.
Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because he can't get home.
They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket.
They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.
Memes
I saw a bus the other day with some boy scouts at the back. One of them was having fun getting his knot-tying badge.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
Why? You ask.
Because it only takes one charge to bring it back to life.
Every second, 1 kid gets diagnosed with homework.
What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?
The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.
Why is an orphan bad at tennis?
'Cause he couldn't get any love.
You're the sun in my life, now get 93 million miles away from me.
How do you get a depressed person to jump?
Put them on a bridge.
The kid in the wheelchair was getting bullied, so I encouraged him to stand up for himself. I don't know why he started crying.
Why did the Twin Towers go shopping?
To get some plane bread.
Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.
Today, a kid in a wheelchair was rolling around the class to get away from this one annoying kid, so I told him, "Brayden, just get up and walk away."
Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?
My friend: To get to the other side?
Me: No, to get to the idiot's house.
My friend: Oh.
Me: Knock knock.
My friend: Who's there?
Me: The chicken.
I get jealous when my phone dies.
Guess what you get when you cross a dark side and your king?
My ex-wife misses me, but her aim is getting better.