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What is the difference between an apple spread and an orphan spread?
Apples get picked.
Child: Hello, I can’t find my dad.
Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?
Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.
What did one orphan say to another?
"Get in the Batmobile, Robin."
Why can’t orphans play GTA and get five stars? Because they’re not wanted!
What did one orphan say to the other?
"GET IN THE BATMOBILE, ROBIN!"
Does an orphanage have daddy issues?
Yes, because he didn't come back from getting the milk.
Why did the sun go to school? To get brighter!
What is the difference between a flower and an orphan?
A flower gets picked.
Why does the basketball never get a date?
Because they dribble.
My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.
So I took down his confederate flag.
How do you get the depressed kid out of the tree? You cut the rope.
What do you get when you cross a lawn mower and a parakeet?
Shredded tweet!
Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.
Girl: Your card got declined.
Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.
What happens to chickens that get kidnapped by rapists?
They get choked.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
Bf: Hey, what ya doing?
Gf: Just lying in bed.
Bf: Just lying in bed?
Gf: And eating cereal.
Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?
Gf: Eat my cereal.
Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.
Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Get in the van, or I'll kill you.
How do you get two deaf people from fighting?
Turn off the lights and walk out.
If you get a divorce with your husband, does that still mean you’re siblings?
Yo mama is like train tracks; she gets laid all around the country.