Get jokes
How do you get the depressed kid out of the tree? You cut the rope.
What happens to chickens that get kidnapped by rapists?
They get choked.
What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?
A sourpuss.
Bf: Hey, what ya doing?
Gf: Just lying in bed.
Bf: Just lying in bed?
Gf: And eating cereal.
Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?
Gf: Eat my cereal.
Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.
Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.
How do you get two deaf people from fighting?
Turn off the lights and walk out.
Memes
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side!
Yo mama is like train tracks; she gets laid all around the country.
What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.
If you get a divorce with your husband, does that still mean you’re siblings?
What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.
What’s the difference between a barcode and Rachel Sutherland’s wrist?
Nothing, they both get scanned for a fresh new pack of razor blades.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Get in the van, or I'll kill you.
What time is it when you get a chance to take a car and drive all over?
Time to get in trouble!
How did the tree get sick?
It got tinsel-itis.
What do crows use when they get a phone?
A "CAWing" card!
Wood-fired pizza.
How would pizza get a job now?
I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.
Why did the emo kid get mad?
I wore a “Just Do It” shirt.
Yo mama so fat that when she tried to get on the train, it said, "Weight limit passed, everyone get off!"
Where did Josh go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.