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Why are orphans bad at baseball?
'Cause they can’t get home.
A kid told me to go get a dad, so I punched the kid. He went to tell his parents. Oh wait, he can't, 'cause he's an orphan, and orphans have no parents.
Are you a border? 'Cause I can't get over you.
What’s the difference between cotton and an orphan?
One gets picked.
What do orphans want to get for Christmas?... A mother.
A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.
What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?
One gets picked.
I always ask gay people what LGBTQ means, but I never get a straight answer.
What does an armed bank robbery and Michael Jackson have in common?
Someone gets hurt.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?"
The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."
What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.
What do crows use when they get a phone?
A "CAWing" card!
How did the tree get sick?
It got tinsel-itis.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
At least one of them gets picked.
Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?
Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.
Q: Why doesn't Jesus play hockey?
A: He hates getting nailed to the boards.
Q: Why did the emo kid get jealous on Xmas?
A: He saw the ornaments hanging.
What is the difference between an apple spread and an orphan spread?
Apples get picked.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
One gets picked, and the other doesn't.