Get jokes
Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.
Girl: Your card got declined.
Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.
How do you get the depressed kid out of the tree? You cut the rope.
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."
The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?
A sourpuss.
What happens to chickens that get kidnapped by rapists?
They get choked.
Memes
If you get a divorce with your husband, does that still mean you’re siblings?
What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.
What’s the difference between a barcode and Rachel Sutherland’s wrist?
Nothing, they both get scanned for a fresh new pack of razor blades.
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side!
Yo mama is like train tracks; she gets laid all around the country.
How do you get two deaf people from fighting?
Turn off the lights and walk out.
How did the tree get sick?
It got tinsel-itis.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Get in the van, or I'll kill you.
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?"
The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."
What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.
What do crows use when they get a phone?
A "CAWing" card!
Wood-fired pizza.
How would pizza get a job now?
What time is it when you get a chance to take a car and drive all over?
Time to get in trouble!
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
I always ask gay people what LGBTQ means, but I never get a straight answer.