Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get hit by a bus.
Get Jokes
What's the same with shoes and slaves?
When they get loose, you tie them up.
When the school shooter says to get on the ground, but the sped kid thinks it's Simon Says!
My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."
What did the planes say when they were smashing or passing the Twin Towers?
Smash.
(Get it?) 9/11.
Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.
Get the whip, you're out!
Why did the duck cross the road to get to his quack dealer?
What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan? The apples get picked.
Your forehead is so big, it gets home 50 min before you do.
My grandfather killed Hitler.
Get it? Get it?
Why are Indians so good at football?
Each time they get a corner, they open a shop.
Sometimes I get jealous when I see a gravestone.
Teacher: "Do you guys want to get in trouble?"
Kid named Teacher: *
A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.
The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"
Yo mama's so ugly that Sonic needed to go fast to get away from her face.
Yo mama so fat that the US (Mexico) and North Korea (South Korea) got into a war fighting over who gets to use her as their border wall.
Why couldn't the orphan get an Android? Because it didn't have a home button.
When I see the little brother in a video get everything, I try it and get grounded ;-;
Helen Keller: *Gets knocked to the floor*
Helen Keller (in her head): "Wow, I didn't see that coming!"
Yo mama is so fat your dad could never get away.
