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Orphan

Why couldn't the orphan get an Android? Because it didn't have a home button.

Brother

When I see the little brother in a video get everything, I try it and get grounded ;-;

Helen Keller

Helen Keller: *Gets knocked to the floor*

Helen Keller (in her head): "Wow, I didn't see that coming!"

Orphan

What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan?

The apples actually get picked.

Question

Confusion life question!!!

* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?

Fish

There was a fish looking for a great meal. He looks above him and sees a fly. He thought, "If that fly drops six inches, I would have a meal." Long story short, a pussy gets wet.

Wife

My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.

I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.

Suicide

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

Baseball

Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.

If you don’t get it, a Chinese woman ate a bat and she got the coronavirus (I think).

Orphan

Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he can't get 5 stars because he ain't wanted.

Autism

Okay, so I know this is not a joke, but I wanted to take some time to say if you have autism, you are still amazing. You are lovely in every way, and if people bully you, don't listen because they are wrong. You are cute, and I know how it feels. I have ADHD, and I get bullied a lot, but I don't let that get to me because I know what they are saying is wrong and not true. People with autism, stay strong; you got this. I will be your friend by heart, even if it's not in person.

Bar

A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never seen a weasel before. What can I get you?”

“Pop,” goes the weasel.

Pig

What do the Twin Towers and Angry Birds' pigs have in common?

They always getting hit.

Papyrus

Papyrus: Sans, I have a joke. What do you call someone lazy and incompetent?

Sans: What do you call them?

Papyrus: YOU! NOW GET UP AND CLEAN YOUR ROOM, YOU LAZY BONES!

Orphan

Why is an orphan's least favorite day field trip day?

Because they can't get a parent's signature.

Orphan

Why can’t orphans get married in Alabama?

Because they don’t have a sister.