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Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
Why do women get periods?
Just cancel the subscription.
Roses are red... Violets are blue... I feel like I'm gonna get raped next to you.
Why did the Emo Chicken cross the road?
To get hit by a car.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!
Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
What do you get when you cross a dick and a potato?
A dictator.
Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?
Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.
Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.
Why do orphans love playing tennis?
Because it’s the only love they get.
What do you get when you die in Undertale and go to Temmie Village?
DeterMIENATION
Why couldn't the annoying dog get on Papyrus's nerves?
HE'S A SKELETON. HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY.
Yo mama so fat that John Cena couldn’t get her down with an Attitude Adjustment!
Yo mama so short, when she tried sniffing cocaine, she couldn’t get high.
Want one way to get a free haircut?
Call the cancer hotline.
How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
Yo mama is so fat that Thanos had to snap his fingers twice to get her out of existence.
Yo mama so fat that State Farm tried to get on her side but couldn’t.
Yo mama so short that when she tried to sniff meth, she couldn’t get high.
I thought I saw a cool sticker on my office window, then I realized it was getting bigger and bigger.
Son: Dad, where are you?
Dad: Getting another one.
Son: Getting what?
Dad: Dad.
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.