What do you get when you cross a cold wind with a feather?
A brrrrrrrr-d!
Get Jokes
I was going to make a chemistry joke. But it looks like I won’t get a reaction :)
Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home.
As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump's wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie.
As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him. The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him, and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him.
Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasn't really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump's friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump's friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, "Aww, I'm lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!"
Why did Hitler get hit by a baseball?
Because he did nazi it coming!
What does Sonic say when he doesn't want to get caught fucking in public?
Gotta Go Fast!
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He tried to get the free cracked version of Windows 10.
My mom said the happier a person is when sick, the sooner they get better.
So I went to the hospital, hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.
What do you get from childhood drama? A ginger with autism.
What do you get when Glen fucks an orange?
Adam.
I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a coffee bean grower?
De-calf!
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
What do you say to a pedophile at the beach?
Get out of my son!
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a blender.
A mushroom walked into a pub.
He asked the bartender to give him a beer.
The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."
The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"
Q. What do you get if you put hot water down a rabbit hole?
A. Hot cross bunnies!
3/7 of a chicken, 2/3 cat, 1/2 goat. What do you get when you cross those?
Answer: Chi-ca-go
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the gay guy's house. Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.
Pedophile: You dropped your candy.
Girl: Thanks!
Pedophile stares as she slowly bends over to pick up her candy.
Pedophile: It looks a bit dirty, do you wanna come back to my house and get a new one?
Girl: How far is your house?
Pedophile: It's that white one right over there.
Girl: You mean that van next to a dumpster?
Pedophile: Yep, it's that one.
Girl:.... Sure! :P
Audience:.........Dumbass girl.
Why was the German in a hurry?
Because he was Rush-ian to get to work.
