Get jokes
What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?
An erection!
What is the best thing about a gipsy on her period?
When you finger her, you get your palm red for free.
What happens if you mix a dick with a potato?
You get a dictator dic-dick-tator-potato!
Q. Why can't Stephen Hawking go to Heaven?
A. He can't get his wheelchair up the stairs.
Why did the otter cross the road?
To get to the otter side.
Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?
Boyfriend: My mom taught me.
Why will we never get hungry in the desert?
We have lots of sand-which's.
What does a nosey paper do?
It gets "Jalapeño" your face!
You know, I got a SKELETON of these jokes. All are HUMERUS. Yeah, this gets under people’s SKIN, but I guess you could call their FUNNY BONE BROKEN! People try and hit me when this happens, luckily, I got THICK SKIN! Yeah, thanks for listening. Hope you got these puns down TO THE BONE!
What happens when a frog parks illegally?
It gets toad.
Can I get a glass of water? I will give you anything you ask.
Really, then give me a pond of water.
I go in to get a prostate exam. I'm nervous, but the doctor says it's all natural and needs to be done.
So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside, feeling for abnormalities.
That's when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says, “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies, “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies, “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent, and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says, “Ok, now what?”
How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?
A blender.
How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.
Where do whales get weighed?
The whaleway station.
Bants ahahahahahahahahahahhahahahashahahhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
Dark humor is like a boy with cancer.
They never get old.
Random guy: Come on, Bin Laden, time is ticking. Get it, ticking. OK, I'll leave.
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common? They never get old.
A man enters a bar with some friends, and they all sit down to a drink. After not too long, a man with glasses comes through the front door saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" When no one listens, he shrugs, and everyone watches him go up the stairs. Ten seconds later, he comes back in through the door, again saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" Everyone is amazed, and a few people leave to go fly with him. He keeps coming back into the bar, bringing more and more patrons to join him. The man at the bar is about to join in when the bartender finally sighs.
"For the last time, Superman, get out of my bar, you're drunk and the only person here that can fly!"
The man with glasses frowns.
"Where did all the others go, then?"
When you mix a wizard, a rabbit, and a songwriter together, you get 24 carrot magic.