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Bick: Jesus isn't real.

Ron: Yes, He is.

Bick: Prove it, bitch.

Ron: Cussing is a sin. Open the curtains.

Bick: Wh-?

Ron: JUST DO IT, DAMMIT!

The sunlight shone through the window, landing on Ron and Bick. Both of them died and went to hell.

Ron: Fuck you, Jesus.

Bick: Told you Jesus was real.

Satan: Get to work, slaves.

Moral of the story: Stay off the marijuana.

What's the difference between pizza deliveries and the Twin Towers?

Pizza deliveries get their orders right.

Rape jokes are like your dad's dick. You don't want it but you still get it anyway.

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    • What's the difference between a piano, a pot of glue, and a tuna fish?

    You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

    What about the glue?

    I knew you'd get stuck there.

    Michael Jackson gets really ill, so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there, he says, "Am I in heaven?"

    The doctor replies, "Nah, sir, we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward."

    Little Johnny is in class one day, and little Timmy starts laughing. The teacher says, "What's so funny?" He said, "I can see your bra strap." The teacher says, "Don't come back to class for a week," so he gets up and walks out. A few minutes later, little Billy starts laughing, and she asks, "What's funny now?" Little Billy said, "I can see both of your bra straps." The teacher says, "Get out of my classroom for a month." So little Billy got pissed, he walked out and slammed the door. This scared the teacher, and she dropped the chalk. She picked it up, then she stood back up, and she sees little Johnny walking out of the classroom. She asked, "Where do you think you're going?" He said, "Well, teach, after what I saw, I'm done with school for a lifetime."

    "Oh, waiter! Waiter!"

    "Yes, sir?"

    "Do you have frog's legs?"

    "Why, yes."

    "Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!"

    My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a "get well soon" card with each one of them!

    Teacher: Tell me a moral story.

    Little Johnny: Once my grandfather was in WW2. He saw everyone praising to kill him. For example, we should sneak up and kill him. We get the helicopter above and shoot him from there. My grandfather heard this, he got his gun and shot them all.

    Teacher: What is the moral even?

    Little Johnny: Never plan to kill my grandfather.

    I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.