Get jokes
Two Native Americans
Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there sucking back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says, "How would you boys like a blow job?"
The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.
His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do that for?"
Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting a job!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
So it could get to the other side!
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.
"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"
Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.
Friend: Your t-shirt is cringe.
Me: You should go get the Covid test because one of their symptoms is no taste.
The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”
Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with?
Why did Pinocchio cross the road?
To get to the other lied.
Why don’t witches wear underwear?
To get a better grip on their broom.
Q: What’s the difference between orphans and apples?
A: Apples get picked.
Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
Poor bastard.
Beans for centuries have been called "false friends," because they have a tendency to talk behind one's back. If you get my drift. 🤣
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked.
Why can't homeless people be gay?
They don't have a closet to get out of.
Why did the doctor get mad?
Because he was losing his patients.
I am in trouble. My mum asked me to get six cans of Sprite.
But I got seven Up.
They're not jokes, they're notes now, get me?
I am in trouble.
Two simple steps to get 15,000 people to follow you:
Step 1: Buy a bottle of water (doesn't matter the size).
Step 2: Run through Africa with that bottle of water.
Perfect! Now you got yourself half the population there following you!
Do you know what a reverse exorcism is?
It's when the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.
Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.