Get jokes
Listen, Man United might not thank me but get the contract out, put it on the table. Let him sign it, let him write whatever numbers he wants to put on there, given what he's done since he's come in. Ole's at the wheel, man. He's doing it. He's doing his thing. Man United are BACK.
Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
He was out-standing.
Roses are red, pussies are wet, when it goes in he gets upset. She said it's too small, so that's all. But later that day, he wanted to say, "Every time I play, no one complains, so she was just lying." She started flying, went out of her seat, the skirt went up, the greatest of them all. Everyone said, "Fly away big chunky balls."
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the gay man's house?
Knock knock, it's the gay man. There's a chicken at my house.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?
Apples get picked.
What happens when a black person gets in a car? The check oil light turns on.
There is this girl at school, and she gets bullied for being in a wheelchair.
Why doesn’t she stand up for herself?
"Hey, is that a peach?"
*gets slapped on the butt*
"Noted."
ok this isn't a joke but it's funny.
Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, It's not what you think, it's a lipton tea bag.
Get your mind out of the gutter.
One day I caught my sister talking to my girlfriend, and she said, "You never told me you're lesbian." I said, "No, not at all." My girlfriend asked, "Why did you not tell her?" and I said, "Because every time I bring a girl home, I hear too much noise in her room, and I never get the chance to kiss them because she's cleaning the trash." She said, "Yeah, the trash is her junk."
When you are chilling in the World Trade Center, and then you suddenly get airplane WiFi.
New Windex ad:
You should get Windex for that dirty mind!
Q: What happens to KID who NAPs near a stranger?
A: He gets KID-NAPPED (kidnapped).
Bro, whenever I look at you, Fortnite gets popular again.
You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
What story does an orphan always get kicked out of? Home Depot.
Why are we still fighting in darkness?
"Mission failed, soldier, we will get 'em next time."
Why do orphans hate Costco? Because they can't get in and try the free samples.