Get jokes
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?
To get to the other side.
What is one question on a tech test you should always ask before getting down?
What in the Robot!?
Why did the people get a chicken?
To make eggs.
Why did the grandpa leave the house to go to the grocery store?
To get the ice cream for the grandma.
Me: I will rape you!
Woman: NOOOOOO!!! I AM TOO SCARED TO GET "RAPED"!
Why do women be like this?
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the other site? Ah hah hah hah hah!
The difference between an apple and an orphan is that the apple gets picked.
Why are orphans lucky?
Because they can get in trouble and nobody can tell their parents.
I was in Afghanistan and I had been captured by the Taliban. I was going to get the death penalty.
Suddenly a man came out of nowhere and offered to take the penalty. It was my idolo Penaldo. He missed the penalty. Now I will die. Shame on u Penaldo!
I was being interviewed by Elon Musk. He asked, "Where are you from?" and I said Portugal. He replied, "So you are a fellow countryman of a Pen merchant whose freekick ball broke my rover on Mars. Get out!!" Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Penaldo, for costing me my dream job!
Where did Joe go after getting lost on the mine field?
Everywhere.
I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.
Now I can’t get it to shut up.
I called the suicide hotline, and he suggested I draw on myself to distract myself.
I replied I'd get ink poisoning.
Wouldn't recommend, the police came.
Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.
Why don't dwarfs have cars?
Because they can't get in the door.
Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"
Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"
Boy: "What do you mean?"
Friend and me: "We can show you."
Me: "I will tie the rope."
Friend: "I will push the chair."
Why can't orphans play Monopoly?
Because they never get a full house.
Was busy robbing a house as quietly as possible and saw a woman catching me in the act, decided to get her in on the act and gave away my location from the noise.
What do you call someone who hates rape jokes? An ugly feminist that couldn't get a cock in her mouth.
Women be like men should pay for first dates, then get mad when you do...