You masturbate...
AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
You won't get any Squirtle and Bulbasaur pets.
Alright listen up, numbskull. This "joke" is saying if you touch yourself, you won't get any Pokemon like Squirtle and Bulbasaur. It's like saying Santa won't bring you presents because you're naughty. Only a loser like you wouldn't get it.