Funny jokes

Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.

Question: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

Answer: Because they taste funny!

Say, "Crack my fingers."

Now say that backwards...

This shit is disgusting but funny.

The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.

We spend the weekend getting the poop out!

I'd make a joke about corn, but it's too corny.

Then again, I could make a joke about eyes, but that would be even cornea. My funny bone is broken. I guess it was because those jokes were too humerus.

- I think you're EGGcellent.

+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.

- Really? Are you done yet?.

+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.

See, I was always told puns are funny.

But I can see now they aren't punny.

Bob the Golden Retriever and Lily the Husky were talking at Bob's house.

Lily: Bob, do you think I'm fat?

Bob: No, Lily, of course not! You're just a little husky!!!! Lol. Golden Retrievers are funny.

What do planets like to read? Comet books!

Friend: Eric, spell mouse.

Eric: M O U S.

Friend: Yes - But what's on the end of it?

Why aren't dogs good at dancing? Cuz they have 2 left feet!

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Figs.

Figs who?

Fix the door, it's broken!

Why did the skeleton not tell jokes? It lost its funny bone. Maybe you should try putting it back.

I asked a Chinese girl her number, she said "Sex, sex, sex, free sex tonight." I said, "Wow!"

Her friend corrected her by saying, "She means: 666-3629."

There are 5 cows in a field. One of them is the mom, the rest are kids. One of the kids walked up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Daisy?" and then a daisy fell on her head.

The second cow came up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Rose?" and then a rose fell on her head. Then the 3rd cow said, "Why am I named Violet?" then a violet fell on her head. Then the 4th cow walked up and said, "Merrrbere." Then the mom said, "Shutup, cinder block!"

Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.

Jake Paul's life:

I guess Grandpa took the elevator to Heaven.

He definitely didn't make it up the stairs.