Funny jokes
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
Rules of dark humor.
1. Everything shall be touched.
2. If it offends someone, it shall not be touched.
Me: Want to hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.
Friend: What's funny about that?
Me: Because the next day they disowned me.
A Japanese, Hispanic, and Iraqi man are in a plane. The Japanese man drops a bowl off of it and shouts "I love my country!" Then the Hispanic man drops a burrito off the side and shouts, "I love my country!" Finally, the Iraqi man drops a bomb and shouts, "I love my country!"
Not much longer on, a man walks by a boy who is sitting by a crater laughing non-stop. And the man asks, "What's so funny?" And the boy says "When I farted, my house blew up!"
My joke is so diam funny, or so damn funny.
Two cows were hiding.
One said: "Moooo."
The other one said: "Shut up! We're hiding!"
Why does everyone like couch jokes?
Because they are sofa-nny (so funny)!
Hey, you wanna hear something funny?
An atom makes up everything. Half of this site contains this joke. Don't trust the internet, kids.
Hahahahahahah I'm dying.
How do you get 500 babies in a phone booth?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
A straw.
What's the difference between your mom and your dad? One leaves your life to go get milk, and the other cleans up after you, feeds you, and does your laundry.
I tried a pun about water, but people "sea" right through it, and when people complain, they are usually just being a beach.
I am looking for Mike Roch.
All these African jokes aren't funny when you are a lover of Africa, how are there still Africans alive? Y'all are racist and may God forgive you. You know we're rich with natural resources, that's why y'all come to steal from us. Shame on you all!
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because I unplugged his life support to charge my phone.
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick :)
Communist jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets them.
Why does Sans like puns so much? Probably because he finds them humorous.
People joke about 9/11, but it's not funny. My dad died in 9/11. Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
Q: Why did the family want to move out while the neighbors were playing tennis?
A: Because they were a racquet!