Funny jokes
One time there was a squirrel who died.
It was funny because the squirrel got dead.
My wife was going to have an abortion and I have cancer.
Ha Ha Ha
I thought it was funny.
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?
A chicken tender.
Knock knock. Who's there? Bear. Bear who? Bear bum!
And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
What does a skeleton say when it has a lot of stuff?
"I have a skele-TON of stuff to do."
Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it was pointless!
I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
I lost at Kahoot, so I had to ka-shoot.
What do you call an animal with 3 eyes, 2 mouths, 6 noses, and 4 ears?
What is a frog's favorite drink?
Croaka-cola!
1st Person: Do you want to know something funny?
2nd Person: Yeah, sure!
1st Person: I don’t know, I’m German!
Why do mermaids wear seashells?
They are too big for “B” shells, and too small for “D” shells.
It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.
Teacher: Where's your homework?
Student: At home...
Teacher: What's it doing there?
Student: Having a better time than me.
My son said, "What rhymes with orange?"
I said, "No, it doesn't!"
What do you call a funny family of chairs? A sitcom!
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Lean beef.
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone!