Friends Jokes

My girlfriend went to Tokyo and she died in the tsunami. Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean".

What did the cannibal say when his friend fell on the floor?

" 5 second rule! "

Me to friend: I'm homeschooled Friend: if I was homeschooled I'd kms Me: oh, I already tried that.

*God creates dog* God: "You are man's best friend"

Dog: "That's pretty sexist"

God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak"

Dog: "....."

God: "And chocolate kills you!"

Dog: "🐶"

My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week he swears by it, but he’s in denial

my departed uncle was a circus clown before he died

so all his friends came in one car

I congratulated my friend and losing all that baby weight she started crying told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......

A couple and their friends were riding their tricycle and one wheel fell off. They discussed what to do and finally the friend said why don't you just use me. The boyfriend said why did i not think of using the third wheel.

My friend David lost his ID. Now he is just Dav.

I once tried to have a family friendly conversation with a worm, but it kept its head in the dirt

When you say to your friend I've got your back then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.

What did the mouse 🐭 say when his friend broke their teeth?

Hard cheese! 🧀😂

what do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common. ones the pull it out everyone wants to be there friend.

Me scrolling through jokes that sum up my life, starts crying. My friend: what’s wrong? Me: nothing its just so funny. Lol😂🤣😂

Today was a bitter-sweet day... Bad news is my friend was assaulted, good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!

They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group

I suspected that it was Dave, so i killed him before he could cause any harm.

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

we all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when : 1 he staring mighty hard at yall. 2 when your friend know you gon get your *ss beat. 3 when your friend say he not gon jump in ( you know he lying.