Friends Jokes

9/11 isn't something we should joke about. Some people can remember where they were when they found out. I'll never forget where I was when I found out.

It was 9:37, September 10th, 2001. I was in a cave in Iraq when my friend Mohammad told me.

My friends told me to stop making suicide jokes, so I hanged on.

We all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when:

1. He staring mighty hard at y'all.

2. When your friend know you gon get your ass beat.

3. When your friend say he not gon jump in (you know he lying).

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.

I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

A meme displaying five different options labeled A through E of items that can be chosen as a loadout. The text says, "You're being hunted in the woods at night by an unknown cryptid. Choose your loadout." Option A shows an assault rifle, body armor, a knife, and a pistol. Option B shows 5 silhouettes of men and weapons like torches, pitchforks and a baseball bat. Option C shows two priests, a cross, holy water and two lanterns. Option D shows three dogs, a gun, a bracelet, and a flashlight. Option E shows a muscular man, viagra, alcohol, and other random items.

Me scrolling through jokes that sum up my life, starts crying.

My friend: What’s wrong?

Me: Nothing, it's just so funny. Lol😂🤣😂

A couple and their friends were riding their tricycle, and one wheel fell off. They discussed what to do, and finally the friend said, "Why don't you just use me?" The boyfriend said, "Why did I not think of using the third wheel?"

What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?

One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.

What did the mouse 🐭 say when his friend broke their teeth?

Hard cheese! 🧀😂

My friend David lost his ID.

Now he is just Dav.

When you say to your friend, "I've got your back," then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.

Husband: Honey, do you want sex?

Wife: No, thanks, I have a headache.

Husband: Is that your final answer?

Wife: Mmmmm.

Husband: Are you sure?

Wife: Yes.

Husband: No doubts?

Wife: No.

Husband staring a long time at his wife.

Husband: Okay, I wanna use my lifeline to call a friend.

Foxy the fox was a careless fox. She didn't care about her friend Froggy.

Froggy was a careful frog. One day, Froggy decided to teach the fox a lesson.

Foxy was in her bed sleeping when Froggy made her room an entire mess. She got up, and then her mother berated her for not cleaning her room. From now on, she is a careful fox.

So, my dad was drinking, so he was drunk, and I was sad. But can you be my friend, please?

A man runs into a church and shouts, "Are there any dwarf nuns in the monastery?" The Pope said no, causing the man to say to his friend, "I told you you fucked a penguin!"