Friends jokes

You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.

Two friends are arguing and one friend says, "Jason Warhis is not afraid of water and not ifs, ands, or buts about it."

And the other friend says, "Butt he is."

My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week.

He swears by it, but he’s in denial.

The dark side of kid songs:

You got a friend in me... you got a friend in me!

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.

I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.

My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.

In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

I keep trying to call my emo friend. They keep hanging up.

I heard there was a kidnapping.

Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.

It was his father's friend who was a priest.

He was just bringing him to church.

When my bro says "YOUR MOM" when I'm talking when I'm at school, and my friend says "YOUR MOM," me punches him;-;

I told the ugly friend in my friend group that when they daydream, they shouldn't picture themselves because it will just ruin it.

What do you call an emo friend group?

The Suicide Squad.

A guy asks his priest friend what he wants to eat, and the priest says "bad boys." Then his friend asks, "What kebab do you want?" and the priest says, "B Bricked up Caucasian or Asian will do."

My lesbian friends bought me a gold timepiece for my birthday.

But, I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch!"

My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."

Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.

What did the cannibal say when his friend fell on the floor?

"5 second rule!"

Me to friend: I'm homeschooled.

Friend: If I was homeschooled, I'd kms.

Me: Oh, I already tried that.

My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.

Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."

What is the most awkward moment when Helen Keller is playing pin the tail on the donkey?

Her friends aren’t sure whether to blindfold her.