My friend and I joined a french fry eating contest, but I just couldn’t ketchup. So we switched to cheese burgers, but I still couldn’t mustard up the speed to lettuce win. I mayo not have thought this through. So we switched to fruits, but when it got to the watermelons, I started to feel a little green. My friend couldn’t seed the point of us continuing anymore. I just couldn’t digest the stress I guess :D

Why did Oliver have no friends?

His last name was Clothesoff and all the other kids would get in trouble whenever they would ask to play with Oliver Clothesoff.

This is a inside jokes for my friend Caiden…

HEY WHERE’D YOU GET THAT PAINT FROM? HA PAINT!!!

Me: Cobain! Friend: No, dude, its Kobe. Me: why? Cobain didn’t miss his last shot.

Why are you censoring my friend Franz? He’s just making jokes but you admins get offended too easily fcktards

Why are we depressed, is it because that bully in your school, or that you have acne, how about when you listen to you sad song playlist, maybe cause you have no friends, Or is it the fact your anime girlfriend is fake. T^T

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jill could wack off Jack, Jill yelled out Jack, where is your sack? Said I’m not Jack I’m your friend Nancy

A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that he just found out his sister was cheating on him.

A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, “her life.”

One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail-mix. I guess you could say I f...ing ate a different kind of nut

lol I switched out my friends leukemia medication for mercury (Like and comment if you get it)

My friend Joe was a great hunter. He always shot like 3 deer every week. He was even better at school when he bagged 30 of them.

My friend Amir didn’t have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building. So he had a much better flying record.

IF U HAD A FRIEND LIKE ME WOULD U KILL ME

Hi, everyone. Serious question. Would it be illegal to decapitate a worm? Asking for a friend, he’s so worried we’re going to jail. I’m not. I’m fine. Please reply fast.

My friend says, “Time flies when having fun,” so when he was gaming, I threw his clock to test that theory.

Best friend: dude your sister is hot i’d Hit that

Me: already did SWEEETT HOMMEE ALABAMA

My friend talking to fat boi : I can order you at McDonalds’. Double Big Mac triple quarter pounder cheese burger

Friend texting fat boy:I know your on the groupchat I can see you looking at my texts . Me: I can only see fat

When ur friend moves to Texas and she comes back a cowgirl YEEEEHAWW