My two friends came to me one day and said they had the best blowjob that they ever had from my little sister. So I ask my sister is it true that you gave my friends a blowjobs. She sad yes. My sister ask me do you want one, I said yeah. My sister gave me a blowjob and wow just like my friends it was the best blowjob that I ever had. As a older brother I couldn't be more prouder.
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns. The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55." The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!" The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful." At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible." The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."
Q: What is the difference between two bottles of Whiskey and 2 pretty feminist girls?
A: You don't leave the bottles in the cold and dark forest, after you and your 9 friends are finished with them.
Me: *sprays some perfume on myself*
Friend: Omg, that smells so good! You’re so aromatic, how do you not have a bf yet?
Me: ... I’m aromantic and aromatic. I do not desire romantic relationships with others although I do enjoy carrying lovely scents with me
About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him bitches always come and go. He’ll looked to me kinda mad kinda confused and said that’s my mom dude
Walking with a friend the in the dark is better than walking alone in the in the light
My friends in my friend group says that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad, I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it
My friend said which is better to have and you have to choose and he said Autism or down syndrome?
What do you call a 5th grader with no friends?
Sandy Hook survivor
My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.
I took my sister and And cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy who my dad‘s friend has connections with I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized, We got what we wanted.
my friend called me fat so i challenged a running race.
Me: What has two legs and bleeds? Friend: um women? Obviously? Me: actually half a dog. So you're still right.
Roblox Brookhaven be like
ABC if you wanna be adopted ABC if you wanna be my friend ABC if you wanna be a banker ABC if you wanna rob the bank ABC if you wanna date ABC if you wanna sex
My friends dad died during the 9/11 he was such a good pilot but my friend kept disturbing him so when hes dad died he said it was you who killed me(to the child).so the the child Sayed yoo-hoo?what type of name is yoo-hoo,but yoo-hoo yoo-hoo come here I need to k1ll you NOW
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they're going to escape! So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moon light... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. Y'see... Y'see, he's afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea... He says 'Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!' B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says 'Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!”
Why do asscheeks make great friends?
They always STICK TOGETHER
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever, and his friend asked did you get any head and the guy said no I couldn't find it.
My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week he swears by it, but he’s in denial
"A friend with weed is a friend indeed"
