Friend

Friend Jokes

My friend: Hey, I got 15 kills!

Me: I got 60 kills!

My friend: I didn't know you played Call of Duty!

Me: What's Call of Duty?

My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.

Me: “You guys wanna know a cool fact?”

Friend 1: “Yeah.”

Friend 2: “Yea.”

Me: “Japan is RIGHT that way. If we swim all night...we’ll be able to get to Japan.”

Friend 3: “I love anime.”

Friend 1 & 2: “Nononononononononono!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Me: *Laughs at Friend 3*

My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."

My teacher asked us what sex is. My friend, Bobby, got up and said in a loud, clear voice, "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation, where a boy puts his location into a woman's destination to increase the population of the next generation. Do you understand my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?" The teacher shot him 23 times before she fainted.

My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."

I pulled a prank on my friend the other day. I painted a portrait of the backrooms blueprints while he was sleeping. Still had some extra space.

My friend looks more red than Mr. Krabs.

It’s weird, I could’ve sworn I saw the silhouette of a belt hurling towards him the other day.

Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.

Man's friend: Same.

Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.

Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.

Man: Oh great heavens!

I was with my friend atom the other day. He’s pretty tall . . . Compared to you.

My friend was playing a game and said he was fighting cultists, so I said Kanye's fanbase.

People ask me if my friend jumps off a bridge, will I go as well? Of course not. I am a leader; I will go first, my friend will jump after me!