Friend jokes
Q. What do you say when your friend has an abortion?
A. May your baby rest in pieces.
Why do asscheeks make great friends?
They always stick together!
My friend is a pimp.
I think he's having an existential crisis. Lately, he just wants to be alone with his thots.
Your hairline goes so far back, your mom is scared you're not going to make friends.
I asked my friend what happened to him?
His balance shifted.
My friend said she wanted to fly, so I pushed her off a building.
"Yo, Gabriella, any idea where our other friends are?"
You: I have a nice hairline.
Your friend: Since when do you have one?
You: I forgot.
Friends = your power level.
Emo kid = power level: 0000.
My friend is so ugly, she got surgery twice, but not even that could fix her.
So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.
Why can't orphans call their friends?
Because they don't have a home phone!
The name is Ash, Johnathan Ash. My friends call me Jack.
Dwarfism is a growing problem.
Kidding, that’s not funny. My friend died of dwarfism.
He jumped off a curb stone.
A friend of mine told me something that I cannot forget, and I am now traumatized to hell. The next day a kid was set for an amber alert that looked exactly like my DEAR friend! :)
What's the difference between 8 and 9? When you have the 9, everyone wants to be your friend.
If you had a friend like me, would you kill me?
My friend: Yo stupid.
Me: Is that right, and what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?
My friend: *rolls eyes and says whatever.*
Me: Keep on rolling them, you might find your brain in there.
"What do you do with your free time?"
"I stalk."
"Really? I enjoy walks in the park, going to the movies, and hanging out with friends."
"I know."
During school today, a girl gave my friend her number. When I saw it, it was the principal's number.