Friend

Friend jokes

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Bowl

    • My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."

    Rose

    • Roses are red and violets are blue, my best friend is Sue, and she's blue, too.

    (meaning sad)

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    Time

    • You: Find a time clock that can change time.

    Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?

    You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!

    Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.

    Idiot

    • RICK: GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT OH GUESS WHAT MOTHERFUCKER OR IMMA SAY IT!!!!!!

    Richard: What????

    Rick: So before Donald Trump's impeachment, he said, "The Coronavirus will end on March 32nd 2021."

    Richard: Your from planet Earth where there's a March 32nd. Enjoy it, *stupid dumb fuck brother*.

    Rick: Oh I will.

    *It was the day March 21st*

    *9 Days later*

    *March 31st*

    Rick: oh I cant wait until tomorrow!!!!!!!!!! Ooh im so excited im gonna give my friends a big ole bro hug and hand shake i miss the muhfuckin dudes man

    *one day later*

    *He got his school uniform waiting for the bus not seeing it*

    Rick:....... wai......Huh!?!?...... hol....up

    BITCH IM AND IDIOT THERE IS NO MOTHERFUCKING MARCH 32ND THIS IS THE MOTHERFUCKING 1ST OF APRIL TRUMP DUMBASS

    *Richard*

    *oh he's the dumbass*

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    Game

    • If you are friendly on a game, should I will kill you in the game? You should say, "Will, if you did kill me, I will tell my more friendly to ban you from the game." The friendly should [ask], "What you got?" Friendly on the game [replies], "Jack, you are not my friendly, the all friendly you be ban, if you don't get it, will have fun." If you don't like the text, I am come for you. Ok, now like it, the end.

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    Oreo

    • BFF: Dude, come over to my house right now!

    Me: What? No way, it's 2:58 AM.

    BFF: But I just found my brother's secret stash of Oreos!

    Me: I'll be over in 5 minutes.

    Drone

    • My friend put an action toy and called it Kobe and put it on a drone. I realized that my friend didn't know how to fly a drone.

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    • Mom

    • Son: Daddy?

    Dad: Why tf do you keep calling me daddy? You're 11 years old, feminine gay hoe.

    Son: Whoa!? Daddy, what's that?

    Dad: Wtf are you talking about?

    Son: Your dick has gotten more tastier?

    Son: Ooh... I..... Just.... Wanna.... Sssuuc

    Dad: Oh nope, I'm not having a gay hoe's fiend in my house, no quit looking at my dick, you need some pussy.

    Son: eeeeeewwwwwwwwwww nooooo plz no plz

    Dad: Shut the fuck up: ehr em

    Mom: What the fugde is going on?

    Dad: Our son's a gay bitch.

    Mom: Language! So? I need to teach him how to like a girl huh?

    Dad: Yes Ma'am, plz.

    Mom: Okay. Herman, get your gay ass in my bed but naked, I'll be there in 10.

    Son: wha whey huh ur gonna... wtf?!?!?!??

    Mom: Quit cursing, I'm gonna fuck u extra hard!!

    Son: Ewww, I'm gonna fuck my mom even though she is hot sexy but eeewwww.

    Mom: Shut it!!!, or I'm gonna recordid and *fliped her hair taking off her panies (pussy naked)* and show this to ur gay fuck friends!

    Son: Huh

    Son: Mom FUCK U*

    Mom: Okay baby I'm gonna fuck u in a minute lemme tak my bra off

    Son: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH

    Son: Moms are the worst, are they?

    Me no there not sometimes but i love them teheheteheh

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    TikTok

    • Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."

    Friends: comments give reason.

    Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."

    Day later:

    Mom: Let me see your TikTok.

    Me: Shows her the video.

    Mom: calls suicide.

    JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.

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    Skinny

    • Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?

    My friend: Chunky dunks.

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