Who was Goldilocks' best friend?
Goldie.
I went to a sleepover at my best friend's house. He lives with his grandpa and little brother, his mom and dad. His little brother likes to run around the house naked sometimes. I can't help but notice his grandpa always looks up when he does.
Me scrolling through jokes that sum up my life, starts crying.
My friend: What’s wrong?
Me: Nothing, it's just so funny. Lol😂🤣😂
My dumb ass thinking I made a friend, oh ya, I forgot, literally nobody likes me!
Me telling a depression and suicide joke in front of my friends.
My friends: ........ Oh wait, I don't have any, so nothing to worry about here.
One day my ex-best friend lied about his computer dying when he left the call and watched YouTube.
Two friends wanting to find out if their buddy was gay.
The two walked up to their buddy and said, "Get down!" and he kneeled down.
Why can't orphans have friends?
They will stay together.
What did the fish say when seeing his best mate?
"I sea him!"
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "congrats," but none of them touch the man's penis and say "well done?"
Gumball: What's that? Is it a twig?
Banana Joe: No.
Darwin: Is it a leaf?
Banana Joe: No.
Gumball: What is it then?
Banana Joe: It's my BUTT!!!
What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.
Why did the number 10 make friends with 0? Because you have $100 dollars.
Why do mummies have trouble making friends?
Ah, you wanna read a cheeseburger joke for your friends to hear.
Nah, bro, you're just going to get cheese on your burger.
Me and my girlfriend broke up, so I took her wheelchair, and she came crawling back.
So, I tell my friend a pun about Bach. She freaks out. Then I say, "I hope that wasn't too much to Handel. Don't let it Strauss you out."
For all of my musicians out there!
One day, there are friends having fun.
Hours later, one of the friends, Alice, wanted to leave and said, "Cya guys, I'm just gonna hang in the tree and have some fresh air."
And they all agree.
Hours go by, and the group of friends are ready to go home, but then they see a tree in the distance that looks like someone is hanging on the tree with a tight rope.
Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?
Me: Me.
Friend: *does nothing*
(x_x)
I forgot that I don't have friends.
I asked my friend, "Hey, did you get a haircut?" and she said, "No." Then I'm like, "Really? Then why are you bald today?"
