Found jokes

When I self-harmed one day, my mother told me that it cut her deep. We both found that very amusing.

Michael Jackson died of shock when he found out Boys II Men wasn't a delivery service.

I woke up one night to a strange noise, and when I went to investigate what it was, I found out that it was coming from my parents' room.

I looked inside and counted, ok one, two, three finger men and my mom, so nothing out of the ordinary, so then I checked my sister's room, and I counted 4 other women in the room, but then I realized that the sound was coming from right in front of me. It was my dad giving me a BJ the whole time.

Fun fact: Most of the black holes in the universe are found in Africa!

When I found out that 10 billion bowls of soup are consumed each year in AMERICA, I thought to myself, "I thought soup was healthy. Apparently not!"

What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.

A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.

The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.

After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.

The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.

Real quick, I'm autistic, and if anyone asks, I absolutely love some of these jokes. XD I found this while doing some research for a paper.

What's handsome and smart, you can hear him and see him? It's you good-looking guys! So sad you can't read this since you're blind. Oh geez, I just found this website and I want to make people laugh. Too bad they can't see the joke.

They say they found water on Mars. Mars 1, Africa 0.

My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.

Little Johnny went to the beach, found some cocaine, and died. The end.

"Hey, hey, Spongebob! Water you doing?" [laughs]

"Just looking for all my coins with my metal detector because beach better have my money!" [laughs]

"How much have you found so far?"

"Y'know what, I'm not really shore!" [laughs]

I carried a magnet, then people found me very attracting.

As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life changed when I found out she was under the horse.

I found a key that works for every door at my school.

So I was mining off the coast of Canada and one of my coworkers found gold. I said, "AU, bring that over here!"

What happened when the gun dealer found his pistol in his shoe?

He found that he had a piece in his sole!

Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.

The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.

Q: What’s worse than fingerbanging your sister?

A: Finding your dad's wedding ring.