Found jokes

I once masturbated in the bathroom.

I was looking for something, for a little help.

Looked in the wardrobe and found something perfect.

I'LL NEVER SEE A TOOTHBRUSH THE SAME WAY AGAIN!

My wife and I’s gay marriage counselor advised us to watch porn together. So, we decided to try it out one day and search up lesbian shemale porn.

And that’s the day she found out she was a porn star.

I recently found out that my grandma died. We did an autopsy, and the results came back. They were pretty shocking.

We found out that she died............... from an autopsy.

While I was walking on the road, a cat crossed my road, and 5 min later I found it fell in the gutter.

What did the squirrel say to the dog?

"There are nuts in your poop. I found them!"

The other day I was in the park and got bored, so I found an orphan and punched him in the face, laughed at him, and said, "Whatcha gonna do, tell your parents?"

Ok, I found this off of an internet meme, this isn't original:

*grabbing kid* Harambe: Ok kid, I don't have much time, but Obama's last name is- *gunshot*

A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.

Did you know? The most Black Holes in the Universe are all found in Africa!

What's black and found on top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking during a house fire.

A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"

I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"

"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.

The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"

Alternative punchline:

"I had to call social services, she was only 14."

What’s bin Laden got in common with SpongeBob?

Both can be found at the bottom of the sea, and they’re filled with holes.

I knocked on Stephen Hawking's door, but nobody answered...

All I got was "error 404 page not found."

What is a geographical discovery? Little Johnny found his geography homework undone.

Last week I found out my toaster is waterproof.

If I found BlessedBrian's jokes FUNNY, I would be just as retarded as HIM.

Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.

Wanna see a joke I found? *shows mirror*

Your mom has quite the mouth on her.

As I found out last night. Oh, what a night!! 😏 😉 😜