Found jokes
My mum found a chest that was wet, and it had a child in it. She asked me what it was for. I said I put kids in it and chuck it in a river until they are dead.
Today my biology teacher asked me what's commonly found in a cell......... And apparently "black people" isn't the right answer.
Stephen Hawking went bankrupt after he found out somebody in his house was costing him way too much money on electricity bills.
He just couldn’t figure out who.
Error code 404. "Will to live" not found.
Smileandtalk.exe has stopped working.
Bro, why are you making an avalanche by that big forehead? No wonder why snow was found on Mars.
that thing found so crack!
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.
Did you know Kurt had dandruff?
Found his head and shoulders behind the couch.
My little sister that is 10 is so ugly her hairline can't even be found by Dora the Explorer.
What's one thing you'll never find in lost and found?
Your dad.
*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".
The whole lot collapsed and buried him.
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.
A wife was cleaning her 12-year-old son’s bedroom when she found a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asked her husband, “What do we do?”
The husband said, “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t fucking spank him.”
I drove through a school zone and found out you can drag a speed bump 😬.
Imagine someone leaving a cut-out of Jeff Bezos on your car after you found out your blind bf cheated on you, and the McDonald's employee says over the speaker, "Weren't expecting him to see other hoes were you?"
TV: Water found on Mars...
Mars: 1
Africa: 0
Me and my friends were having a party the other day when some bitch came bitching about the noise. Thankfully, she was hot and had a nice ass, so it was enjoyable raping her.
The next day when I woke up, I found her body only half eaten. Her lower body was still intact, so I went for seconds to fuck off the hangover. Then I had breakfast. Her ass tasted good with some ketchup.
If Red gets voted out, what happened?
Red is not voted out, Red is a hacker, so he kills Blue. OK, so someone found Blue's body. Red said, "Where?"
Lime, Green, and Purple said, "How is Red not dead?"
Red: "I am a hacker, you noobs!"
Lime, Green, and Purple run.
Red killed them all. Red is the win, but he is not the win.
Black killed Red. Black is the win.
LOL
A man is on his death sentence, and he gets to choose his last meal.
He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life. They never found a working machine.
They found water on Mars. Mars:1 Africa:0
What do you get when you put a suicide bomber in a wheel chair? An RC-XD.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Orphans don't get picked.
My son asked me how I'm so clean, "inside out." I told him because of bleach. The next day, I found him drinking the bleach.