Football jokes

Touch Down.

Why does a dwarf laugh whilst playing football?

Because the grass tickles his balls!

On the 12th day of Christmas Peo Pessi gave to me:

12 tap ins

11 pointless dribbles

10 fixed league titles

9 missed penalties

8-2

6 dives

500 million robbed from Barca

4 UCL semi losses

3 times he blamed Higuain

2 retirements

And a transfer to a farmers league.

As an honest Penaldo fan, I have to admit he is a penalty merchant. He can only score against farmer teams like Spezia. He never shows up against great teams like Barcelona.

I've come to realize my hero Penaldo will never be better than Messi. My idol Penaldo is sadly finished.

When the school shooter is gonna clap the football team but his AK jams: “Take it easy guys, I was just joking!”

What do you call a Spanish footballer without legs?

Gracias.

Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!

I couldn’t figure out why the football kept getting bigger... then it hit me!

On 9/11, the New Yorks lost to the Jets.

Messi is really messy.

What do you call an athlete who injured 75% of his spine?

A quarterback.

Which is Ronaldo's favorite son, Matteo or Cristiano Junior?

Neither. His favorite is San Marino, perfect for stat-padding with tap-ins and penalties!

So, one day Kylin Banks was playing football. Then he saw Violet. After he saw her, he got bricked up. Then he ran after her and rubbed his pickle all over her. She was so happy.

Who am I rooting for during the Super Bowl? Easy. Taylor Swift.

What is a Manchester United fan’s favourite TV channel? The History Channel.

Why can't an orphan play football? Because they don't have a dad or mom.

Did you hear the score in the Egypt vs Ethiopia football game? Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't.

How to improve my beloved Penchester United in 5 easy steps:

1. Sell Casemeiro 🤑 2. Sell Pernandes 🤑 3. Sell Bencho 🤑 4. Sell Trashford 🤑 5. Terminate penaldo 🤑 6. Make Mctominay extend his deal 📝

These came down deep from my heart. Don’t let me down again, please.

What Football Club does Mason Greenwood play for?

Prison FC

Why didn't the koala make the football team? Because it got diskoalafied!