Football jokes

What is Stephen Hawking's favorite football anthem?

You'll Never Walk Alone.

What do you call an orphan who likes football?

Because someone will actually give him something.

Why don't Pakis play football? Every time they get a corner, they build a shop.

So NFL teams were playing football on me, and then Justin Jefferson hit something called "the gritty" on me.

A person with a wheelchair and a football, then they are Rocket League.

I knew you played football because your hairline is receding.

What's Osama bin Laden's favorite football team? New York Jets!!!

He's the best! Hehehehehehehhehehhehehhehehehheh.

Stephen Hawking is the fastest footballer ever--he could just charge up the Left Wing!

Why was Stephen Hawking good at football? Because he is a pro dribbler.

If Stephen Hawking had a FIFA card, he would have 99 dribble.

Why did Sally get a black eye? Because she decided to play football.

Why are Muslims terrible at football?

Because every time they have a corner, they build a shop.

Why are orphans so bad at football?

You know the Twin Towers employees were supposed to meet a good football team. Instead, they just met the Jets.

Which two football teams played in the pirate Superbowl?

The Seahawks and the Buccaneers.

I was at a football match, and the ball was getting closer. Then it hit me. *face palm*

Want to hear a joke? Look at the Miami Dolphins football record.

The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.

Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.

One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!

He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!

Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"

He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.

The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.

"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"

"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."

The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"

"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."

Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."

Why couldn't the kid with Down syndrome play football?

Because he got all the downs.