Football jokes

What did Sally get for her birthday? A football!

Only joking; she hasn't opened the box yet.

Why can't Columbus be offered a professional football team?

Because then Cincinnati would want one too.

Yo Mama is so stupid, she thought the football team Rams were actually the animal rams.

What's Penaldo's least favorite food?

Indian Murukku, because it reminds him of Morocco! 🤣🤣🤣

My teacher asked me what my favorite number was yesterday, and I said 2977. I chose 91 for my football jersey number and Sharpied a 1 after the other 1, and my teacher Mr. Jackson's dad died in 9/11, and when he was talking about it Friday the 9th, I threw a paper airplane at him and got suspended for 3 days starting Monday.

"I've only been ripped off twice in my life. The first time was when I ordered three kebabs and they only delivered two. The second time was when we signed Cristiano Ronaldo."

-Al Nassr owner

MISSING MISSING!!! 😢😢

NAME: PRUNO PENANDES 👍🤝

MISSING: 27/6/21 VS BELGIUM 🤔🤔

LAST SEEN: DIVING AT OLD TRAFFORD, CRYING TO REFEREES🤬😿

POSSIBLE LOCATIONS: PENALTY SPOT🥅

"GIVE ME PENALTY”🤬🤬

"I ONLY STATPAD AGAINST FARMERS MY FRIEND"😁😁

I was the manager at a McDonald’s in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application. I asked him to show me his skills and experience, but he just started diving and asking for pens and tap-ins. I was confused until Penaldo told me that’s all he knows how to do.

Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!

Messi chiquito...

I couldn’t figure out why the football kept getting bigger... then it hit me!

South's losing to Broncos. 😹

The best football game was the Jets against the Twin Towers.

Messi is really messy.

Why is football the gayest sport ever? Because it's just a bunch of sweaty men tackling each other.

Your hairline is so long they mistake your forehead for a football field.

And Sterling has taken a dive.

That's all for financial news, back to the football.

And there's the referee taking down Ronaldo's number.

Not really the time or the place, but it's good to see that we've kept homophobia out of football.

VVD [is] better than Sergio Ramos.

Doctor, what is wrong with me?

You will never be able to walk again. It ain't like with me on the field it would make the Miami Dolphins any better.