Football jokes
Yo Mama is so stupid, she thought the football team Rams were actually the animal rams.
Why can't an orphan play football? Because they don't have a dad or mom.
What’s the best form of contraception?
Being a soccer fan.
What's the same about a newborn and a football?
You can kick them both very easily.
My teacher asked me what my favorite number was yesterday, and I said 2977. I chose 91 for my football jersey number and Sharpied a 1 after the other 1, and my teacher Mr. Jackson's dad died in 9/11, and when he was talking about it Friday the 9th, I threw a paper airplane at him and got suspended for 3 days starting Monday.
"I've only been ripped off twice in my life. The first time was when I ordered three kebabs and they only delivered two. The second time was when we signed Cristiano Ronaldo."
-Al Nassr owner
I was the manager at a McDonald’s in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application. I asked him to show me his skills and experience, but he just started diving and asking for pens and tap-ins. I was confused until Penaldo told me that’s all he knows how to do.
MISSING MISSING!!! 😢😢
NAME: PRUNO PENANDES 👍🤝
MISSING: 27/6/21 VS BELGIUM 🤔🤔
LAST SEEN: DIVING AT OLD TRAFFORD, CRYING TO REFEREES🤬😿
POSSIBLE LOCATIONS: PENALTY SPOT🥅
"GIVE ME PENALTY”🤬🤬
"I ONLY STATPAD AGAINST FARMERS MY FRIEND"😁😁
Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!
What does weed and the Carolina Panthers have in common?
They both get smoked in bowls.
Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.
Doctor, what is wrong with me?
You will never be able to walk again. It ain't like with me on the field it would make the Miami Dolphins any better.
What is the Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross country, wall climbing, and their favorite activity in the summer is lawn mowing.
The best football game was the Jets against the Twin Towers.
Messi is really messy.
Your hairline is so long they mistake your forehead for a football field.
Why is football the gayest sport ever? Because it's just a bunch of sweaty men tackling each other.
Why can't Chinese people play football? They will eat the bat.
Messi chiquito...
South's losing to Broncos. 😹