What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
Food Jokes
One day, Little Johnny went to his grandma's house, and she asks, "Do you like nuts?"
Little Johnny says, "Yes, I like nuts."
His grandma says, "Okay then, grab them out of the cabinet." So Little Johnny went and grabbed them, and he was sad after he grabbed them. His grandma then says, "What's wrong?"
Little Johnny says, "I thought they were real nuts," and his grandma fainted.
What did the Nazi order from Wendy's?
Two number NEINs.
What's the difference between pussy and pizza... nothing because I'll eat them both.
A mushroom walked into a pub.
He asked the bartender to give him a beer.
The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."
The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"
The grapes in the supermarket are really raisin' the bars...
Say "toast" three times. Spell "toast" three times. What do you put in a toaster? The answer?
What do you call a white man having intercourse with a black woman?
An Oreo.
What do you call a pool full of handicapped people?
Vegetable soup.
What type of cake can orphans not have?
Homemade.
Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?
Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the bill.
Man goes to the doctor. He has a banana sticking out of one ear, a carrot sticking out of the other ear, and a green bean sticking out of one nostril.
"Doctor, I'm not feeling well," the man complains.
"Well, it's no wonder," the doctor replies. "You're not eating right!"
Q: Why is China so bad at baseball?
A: They already ate the bat.
Last time I ate a vegetable, I got banned from my sister's group home.
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
Why aren't there any stray cats in Chinatown?
There are, but they're just listed as "pork" on the menus.
How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?
Stop eating caterpillars.
What do you call cheese that's not yours?
Nacho cheese!
What did the cow say to the fat pig?
Moooooooove over!
A man gets captured by cannibals.
Every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."
