Food jokes
Don't make fun of fat people. They already have a lot on their plate.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter's dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
Q: Why did the student eat his homework?
A: Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals. They are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit. They go in and the first man comes out with a peach. He is instructed to shove it in his ass, and if he laughs, he will be killed. He tries and dies.
The second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same. When the two meet at the pearly gates, the first man says, "I had a peach. They're fuzzy. You had a grape. What's your excuse?"
"Well, I was doing fine until I saw Jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple."
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
I'M ON A SEAFOOD DIET.I SEE FOOD AND I EAT IT!!.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple always gets picked. 😂😂😂😂😂😂
What do you call a sad strawberry?
A blueberry.
I would tell you a joke about meat, but the stakes are too high.
Q: How did Burger King get Dairy Quinn pregnant?
A: He forgot to wrap his whopper 🍆🍔.
What do they call me when I jack off?
Pulled pork.
Man: Cow milk is drinkable.
Other man: How do you know that?
Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*
Other man: John...h-how do you know that!
I would like to thank my favorite President Barack Obama. Sorry, Barack Obama and my uncle Obama bin Laden. I mean Osama bin Laden. Sorry, hummus in my throat.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to KFC.
Best not leave hungry kids unattended!
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
What do you call a bunch of retarded preschoolers? Tater tots.
What is a good nut?
A magic nut!
Why do people hate math? They always get hungry while learning about the pie chart.
Are you beef?
Because you're Carlos-Asada.
Dude, if there is a watermelon, shouldn't there be an earthmelon, airmelon, and a firemelon? The elemelons.