Food jokes

*bowl of dark grapes*

Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.

Friend 2: Black? Good one.

Friend 1: 21 at a time.

What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.

Where do astronaut cows go to get milk?

The Milky Way!

What do mice eat for dinner?

Mac n Cheese.

What’s the difference between Jesus and Maddie McCann?

One had the last supper.

What is a necrophiliac's favorite candy? A Hearsey's Kiss.

Can an orphan go to a family restaurant?

To master puns, you got to relish them first. That's how I must(ar)d it. Who knows, maybe you will ketchup to my level.

What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?

A nectarine.

One day, Little Johnny went to his grandma's house, and she asks, "Do you like nuts?"

Little Johnny says, "Yes, I like nuts."

His grandma says, "Okay then, grab them out of the cabinet." So Little Johnny went and grabbed them, and he was sad after he grabbed them. His grandma then says, "What's wrong?"

Little Johnny says, "I thought they were real nuts," and his grandma fainted.

What did the Nazi order from Wendy's?

Two number NEINs.

What's the difference between pussy and pizza... nothing because I'll eat them both.

A mushroom walked into a pub.

He asked the bartender to give him a beer.

The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."

The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"

The grapes in the supermarket are really raisin' the bars...

Say "toast" three times. Spell "toast" three times. What do you put in a toaster? The answer?

What do you call a white man having intercourse with a black woman?

An Oreo.

What do you call a pool full of handicapped people?

Vegetable soup.

What type of cake can orphans not have?

Homemade.

Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?

Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the bill.

Man goes to the doctor. He has a banana sticking out of one ear, a carrot sticking out of the other ear, and a green bean sticking out of one nostril.

"Doctor, I'm not feeling well," the man complains.

"Well, it's no wonder," the doctor replies. "You're not eating right!"