Food jokes
The udder day I drank milk.
It was udderly delicious!
Why did two fours skip lunch? They already ate.
What happens to grapes when you step on them? They wine.
Why didn't the seagull fly over the bay? Because it would be a bagel.
What do you call a train that likes toffee?
A chew-chew train.
How do you get a cow to eat?
Give it mooshrooms!
If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Why do we put round pizzas in square boxes and eat them as triangles?
What is the best item at a Mexican Burger King?
Hopper Jr.
What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They're both meat substitutes.
This bunny named Mason came up to a bar and ordered a beer and a burger. He sits at a table and the waiter brought a huge burger.
Mason: "Heh. Good thing I eat like a horse." He looks up at the waiter.
Waiter: "You are a nasty little bunny, aren't you?"
Mason screamed and ran away as the waiter chased him... she was a HORSE.
How did the cheetah greet other animals?
Cheetah: "Nice to eat you."
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair smoking weed?
A baked potato.
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Why did the pope drink horse piss? Because a priest asked him what would he do for a Klondike bar? 🤪 😜
Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?
Because they don't want to admit that meat makes them happy.
How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you?
I'm a heterosexual man that is so homophobic I won't suck a big dick that has ketchup on it.
How did the flight attendant want their burger?
Just plane!
Why's it called a Caesar Salad?
'Cause Caesar ruled the romaines.
A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says, "Sir, are you a gambling man?"
The butcher says, "Why yes, as a matter of fact, I am."
"Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there."
The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet."
The guy says, "But I thought you said you were a gambling man."
"I am. But the steaks are too high."