Food jokes
How do you make a peanut laugh? You crack it up!
Next time you get a call from anybody, say, "Hi, welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"
Or,
"Hi, welcome to Pizza and Abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce!"
What is 6 inches and has nuts?
A Snickers bar.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Anyone want to eat me up? I'm in that kind of mood right now.
My mom was poor, so we had nothing to eat. I slept on the floor, but now I'm rich, rich, rich 😜
Jonny went to Disney and they had sour balls. He asked the cashier for some and he pulled down his pants.
People are like bean burritos. You can eat them EVERY DAY, but you'll never run out.
What is an orange cucumber?
A carrot, duh!
Why did the rape victim stop eating pears?
Because she was told that if you rearrange the letters "PEAR," it spells "rape."
Why did the transgender man only eat salad?
Because he was a "her" before.
A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says:
"I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"
"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”
Q: Why is China so bad at baseball?
A: They already ate the bat.
Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony. He opened up a pasta shop and made some macaroni.
Why do people eat bananas? Because it's a-peeling!
All Nepali love momos.
Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it? In case there's a salad dressing.
What is never ordered in an orphanage?
A family sized pizza!